How quickly life can change. From one minute to the next our world is fundamentally, forever different. This happens all the time. Anything can happen any time. Your child can one minute be dancing in a sunny studio on a warm March day on a bucolic New England college campus...and the next minute be lying on the bricks 20 feet below, fighting for her life next to the lifeless, twisted body of her friend. Your child can one minute be singing the alphabet song in first grade and the next minute....oh my god, it's too horrifying to imagine.
Maybe it's because I can't sleep and I'm worried about my sister who's having major surgery today, or maybe it's because I'm thinking about all of our kids being dropped off to school today by their parents, just like every other kid on every other day in every other town in America. Things are more dramatic in the middle of the night maybe. no, that's not it...this is real, this is not at all dramatic.
How are we supposed to make sense of this? I want to get everyone I love together and hide, I want to go somewhere safe where people don't have guns, where people aren't mentally ill and want to fuck everything up so they feel better. I know it's a juvenile way to think, but at 4 in the morning it's my impulse. I don't feel very brave today.
I know that in a couple of hours I will be brave, I know I'll be able to be in the parking lot as parents drop their kids off, I know I'll give a lot of hugs this morning and I'll look parents in the eyes and tell them that their kids will be safe today.
I miss Mark so much right now. I think that if we had to be apart for one more week during all this I'm not sure I could do it. I'm really overwhelmed by everything; there's even more going on that I just can't put in this blog. I'll be ok, I'll do what I need to do. Most importantly, today I need to hug, reassure, just be there. When Mark comes back to Connecticut on Friday I'll get my comfort from him. And Lea Ann too, she's my rock these days, my voice of reason and my confidant. What would I do without my lafm?
I was cleaning the basement yesterday morning and found a journal that I started in the winter of 2007 when I was still an assistant principal at Fermi high school. I was really not loving that job and was seriously considering taking a year-long sabbatical. Laura had actually put that idea in my head during a cab ride to JFK one day. In my journal I made a list of all the things I would do if I had a year off. Yoga, cooking, being in touch with old friends, hiking, reading, etc etc. And then I took the job at Odyssey. That was actually the last page that I wrote in that journal. It's like I knew that I had one more job that I had to do before I was able to take a year off. And now, in the blink of an eye, I'm 5 days away from my sabbatical. Isn't life funny. Not ha-ha funny, just so very strange and wonderful and terrifying and beautiful.
So now I'm going to make another cup of coffee and write some thank you notes to the families who got me lovely, thoughtful goodbye gifts.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
This too shall pass.
My dear friend Lizzie once told me that someone wise in her life used that phrase when things were difficult, and today I'm remembering it and tryng to keep the meaning of it at the front of my mind.
Yesterday morning a young father of two young Odyssey students passed away after a long, long battle with cancer. His kids basically grew up knowing dad as a cancer-fighter. Beautiful, smart kids with great smiles and a loving supportive family around them. The school community rallied with donations...a few people from school went to their house last week to decorate and give them a tree. It's so sad, such a hard time of year to lose someone you love.
Today is Tuesday December 11. Not counting the days I'll be in Rhode Island with my sister while she has surgery I'll be in school 6 more days. I'm finishing up all of the teacher observations, going through all my files, both electronic and paper, and just basically soaking up what I can to have as memories of my time at Odyssey.
Yesterday morning a young father of two young Odyssey students passed away after a long, long battle with cancer. His kids basically grew up knowing dad as a cancer-fighter. Beautiful, smart kids with great smiles and a loving supportive family around them. The school community rallied with donations...a few people from school went to their house last week to decorate and give them a tree. It's so sad, such a hard time of year to lose someone you love.
Today is Tuesday December 11. Not counting the days I'll be in Rhode Island with my sister while she has surgery I'll be in school 6 more days. I'm finishing up all of the teacher observations, going through all my files, both electronic and paper, and just basically soaking up what I can to have as memories of my time at Odyssey.
Monday, December 10, 2012
December 10
Now it feels like I'm in the home stretch of this transititon. Today is actually the last Monday that I'll ever work at Odyssey (early next week I'll be in RI to be with my sister). The parent group is doing a gathering thing for me on Thursday...I did a big thing (for me) and asked Mark to come back east to be with me for that and he said yes. I'll pick him up at 11pm on Wednesday night and he flies back to Denver on Friday morning. I have no idea what Thursday night will be like, but I know that I'll be so thankful to have him with me.
I have a lot to do before we pack the Sube and head west for the final time, so I've started making lists again. Post office for change of address forms, final purge of the basement, which clothes I'll need between now and when the moving boxes are opened in...May? June? It's really impossible to know.
I bought waterproof mascara. I cried at work almost every day last week...not huge tears, just enough to wash off the mascara and leave me puffy-eyed. This is a long goodbye and I have frequent opportunities to tell people what they mean to me and to hear what I mean to them. Hence the tears. Hence the waterproof mascara. I just don't want to pretend that this is easier than it is, because it's not easy. I know it's right and I know that moving to Boulder with Mark is a great adventure and that this is the right time for me to take my leave of Odyssey...but it's not even close to easy to say goodbye.
I have a lot to do before we pack the Sube and head west for the final time, so I've started making lists again. Post office for change of address forms, final purge of the basement, which clothes I'll need between now and when the moving boxes are opened in...May? June? It's really impossible to know.
I bought waterproof mascara. I cried at work almost every day last week...not huge tears, just enough to wash off the mascara and leave me puffy-eyed. This is a long goodbye and I have frequent opportunities to tell people what they mean to me and to hear what I mean to them. Hence the tears. Hence the waterproof mascara. I just don't want to pretend that this is easier than it is, because it's not easy. I know it's right and I know that moving to Boulder with Mark is a great adventure and that this is the right time for me to take my leave of Odyssey...but it's not even close to easy to say goodbye.
Monday, November 19, 2012
You can't always get what you want
It's still Monday. I recently heard bits and pieces of some great NPR interviews with members of the Rolling Stones. I think I'll try to find them in their entirety online. And what made me think of it is that at 5:30pm I'm at home, not at the 90-minute Bikram class I was planning on attending. Let's rewind.
I started out at 9:50am counter-clockwise around the Boulder Reservoir, less than impressed with a grungy, rocky shore near the beach area (in the 80's they apparently trucked sand in from somewhere to make a beach). The lake, which looks iridescent green/blue on a sunny day, was grey and choppy, home to dozens of geese who loudly complained as I walked by. Such downers and such prolific poop-makers.
So the on-line guide to Boulder recreation told me that there is a gravel trail that circumnavigates the entire reservoir, about 5 miles all told, beckoning runners, bikers and the like. Well, I walked. And walked. Walked past 2 dams, the southern dam and the northern dam. Damn. For a little while I had a waterfowl companion swimming along side of me in the water. It sat like a loon, low and straight, and it dove like a loon. I tried talking in loon language to it, but it didn't answer back. The other person on the trail gave me a wide berth. And when I was directly across from where I started I noticed that there was another sort of area, a wetlands, a protected, more natural area.
About 90 minutes into my walk, I encountered this:
I've never been warned about the inevitability of certain death before. Though I suppose it's one of the most honest signs we would ever see. At any rate, I continued, avoiding (as you can see) certain death. My reward for throwing caution to the wind was a lovely view of the reservoir framed by the mountains.
But then, the trail stopped. Literally, in a parking lot, no where else to go. I started walking on the dirt road, away from the reservoir, nodding confidently to each car (jeeps, really, with gun racks) that passed--yeah, I know that I'm walking on a dirt road miles from anything else, I chose to do this. I started feeling like the main (anonymous) character in To Build A Fire, one of my favorite short stories. A couple miles into the dirt road, I felt that I had been somewhat cocky, not really having thought through the consequences of my actions. Did I make a serious error in not turning around and retracing my steps? I couldn't see the reservoir any more, I was heading into the mountains, distracted only by the screech of what I was sure was killdeer in the fields. Turns out, the screech was either a mating call or a warning cry (sometimes it's hard to tell the difference) from the beloved Boulder prairie dogs, overgrown gerbils, really. They were my only companions on this ominous journey. If they weren't so fat and silly, I'd have thought they were laughing at me.
Once I realized I'd eventually make it back to the entrance to the reservoir area and my car, I relaxed. I gathered some milkweed stalks to decorate the house and started thinking about lunch.
My intention was to do a 4:30pm Bikram yoga class, but do you think I could find the place? I didn't think to bring the address with me because I thought I'd memorized it. Which I hadn't. I knew the street name, but it was confusing and I saw the clock tick down and started getting stressed about not making the yoga class. Ironic, right? So I decided to cut my losses and go home, but not before going to Home Depot for a lower-watt lightbulb to replace the spotlight that our landlady put in the living room lamp. And going into Home Depot I almost hit my first biker and I scraped the curb with the front bumper of the newly leased hybrid vehicle, which for some reason has a front bumper that's 2" from the ground. ach.
Moving to a new city is exciting, yes, and exhilarating and fun to explore. But it's also frustrating and maddening when all the streets seem like one-ways and everyone else knows what they're doing and the bikers are aggressive and the curbs are invisible. Needless to say, I never made it to the library today.
So this is all part of this adventure. The good, the bad and the prairie dogs. I'm gonna read some tonight and turn in early. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.
Thanks for indulging the long blog. I don't think I'm going to make a habit out of writing 2 blogs a day. People would have to unsubscribe.
I started out at 9:50am counter-clockwise around the Boulder Reservoir, less than impressed with a grungy, rocky shore near the beach area (in the 80's they apparently trucked sand in from somewhere to make a beach). The lake, which looks iridescent green/blue on a sunny day, was grey and choppy, home to dozens of geese who loudly complained as I walked by. Such downers and such prolific poop-makers.
So the on-line guide to Boulder recreation told me that there is a gravel trail that circumnavigates the entire reservoir, about 5 miles all told, beckoning runners, bikers and the like. Well, I walked. And walked. Walked past 2 dams, the southern dam and the northern dam. Damn. For a little while I had a waterfowl companion swimming along side of me in the water. It sat like a loon, low and straight, and it dove like a loon. I tried talking in loon language to it, but it didn't answer back. The other person on the trail gave me a wide berth. And when I was directly across from where I started I noticed that there was another sort of area, a wetlands, a protected, more natural area.
About 90 minutes into my walk, I encountered this:
I've never been warned about the inevitability of certain death before. Though I suppose it's one of the most honest signs we would ever see. At any rate, I continued, avoiding (as you can see) certain death. My reward for throwing caution to the wind was a lovely view of the reservoir framed by the mountains.
My intention was to do a 4:30pm Bikram yoga class, but do you think I could find the place? I didn't think to bring the address with me because I thought I'd memorized it. Which I hadn't. I knew the street name, but it was confusing and I saw the clock tick down and started getting stressed about not making the yoga class. Ironic, right? So I decided to cut my losses and go home, but not before going to Home Depot for a lower-watt lightbulb to replace the spotlight that our landlady put in the living room lamp. And going into Home Depot I almost hit my first biker and I scraped the curb with the front bumper of the newly leased hybrid vehicle, which for some reason has a front bumper that's 2" from the ground. ach.
Moving to a new city is exciting, yes, and exhilarating and fun to explore. But it's also frustrating and maddening when all the streets seem like one-ways and everyone else knows what they're doing and the bikers are aggressive and the curbs are invisible. Needless to say, I never made it to the library today.
So this is all part of this adventure. The good, the bad and the prairie dogs. I'm gonna read some tonight and turn in early. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.
Thanks for indulging the long blog. I don't think I'm going to make a habit out of writing 2 blogs a day. People would have to unsubscribe.
It's Monday...
...and I'm not at work. At least not at the work I've been doing. I think that having long spans of time to myself is a different type of work, more of an internal dialog about what my purpose is today. What shall I do to fill this time? At this point in my life time is a luxury. Maybe time is always a luxury for us first world westerners.
I am so grateful to have the support of my friends back in CT. To be happy for me even though it's hard to think of so many miles between us is such a gift. I intend to keep my connections strong and to make sure that the people I love know that I keep them close in my heart.
So today, I'm going to trek around the Boulder reservoir, a man-made water/recreation spot with a 5-mile trail circumnavigating it. Then I think I'll check out the Boulder library. November is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and they have a weekly group that is meeting to engage in this event. Tomorrow is the meeting, so I might actually go and hear about people who have decided to write a novel during November! I know that one of Odyssey's teachers is doing this with one of her classes, so it would be fun to check out. I know absolutely nothing about novel writing, but I know that I like writing and I like novels and I like libraries, so it seems like a win.
Bikram class at 4:30. It's near the municipal airport where Mark's work is. So maybe next week I can go to the class then pick him up at work afterwards. Forward thinking...
I am so grateful to have the support of my friends back in CT. To be happy for me even though it's hard to think of so many miles between us is such a gift. I intend to keep my connections strong and to make sure that the people I love know that I keep them close in my heart.
So today, I'm going to trek around the Boulder reservoir, a man-made water/recreation spot with a 5-mile trail circumnavigating it. Then I think I'll check out the Boulder library. November is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and they have a weekly group that is meeting to engage in this event. Tomorrow is the meeting, so I might actually go and hear about people who have decided to write a novel during November! I know that one of Odyssey's teachers is doing this with one of her classes, so it would be fun to check out. I know absolutely nothing about novel writing, but I know that I like writing and I like novels and I like libraries, so it seems like a win.
Bikram class at 4:30. It's near the municipal airport where Mark's work is. So maybe next week I can go to the class then pick him up at work afterwards. Forward thinking...
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Sunday November 18
This is the trail that leads from our door into the Flatiron foothills. Mark and I hiked up to the Saddle yesterday, which is about 2/3 of the way up to Bear Peak. About 7 miles. And since now he's all the way over the pond in Switzerland, I figured I'd do it again today. It's a gorgeous sunny day, approaching 55 degrees and quite blustery. So I loaded up my Camelbak and brought along some extra layers and dried fruit and headed out at 9am. I reached the Saddle around 10:30, huffing and sucking wind the whole way. I stopped about every 100 feet to get my heart rate back under 200...crazy altitude! But the cool thing is, there are so many other hikers out, some breezing up the mountain like it's an easy stroll, some just putting one foot in front of the other, just being out there doing it. So I did some bird watching while I rested.
So I'm here in Boulder for 2 weeks. I'm here to get my bearings, to nest a bit in our borrowed house, and to acclimate to life out west. And to continue the separation from Odyssey and life in Connecticut. I was thinking, on the way down from the Saddle, how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to be part of Odyssey. It's been a challenging journey, but one that I'll never regret having taken. I've learned so much about myself through this experience and I know that I've been part of an amazing period of growth. I feel that I've made a positive mark on my little corner of the world through Odyssey, and I'm really happy about that.
There's a lot of time to think when you're on a 7 mile hike by yourself. But I also love how meditative hiking can be...I can be fully present and feel part of the wider world; I hear my footsteps, feel the wind and sun on my face, concentrate on the path right in front of me, glancing often at the blue sky, distant plains and other folks (and dogs) coming up the trail. I felt content and peaceful on the trail today, like I am ok in the world. Imagine.
Monday, November 12, 2012
In Brooklyn
Having an epic hang with Laura and Coleman in BK. it's been a while since I had 2 whole days to be here. Two days is about what you need to get honest and real after a time apart. This is a precious time and I'm grateful to be here now. I remember being 26, and I remember that it wasn't always easy. Somehow you think you're supposed to know more or be more than you actually are. When I look at my daughter I see a perfect life in progress.
Today...? Coffee first, then we plan lunch. Epic.
Today...? Coffee first, then we plan lunch. Epic.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Saturday Novemer 10
Yesterday I got roasted and toasted with my colleagues. The party was supposed to be a surprise but when I told them I was leaving the building for a doctors appointment they had to tell me. Which is really better for me because I've never been particularly gracious when the recipient of a big surprise. So I got to sit back with a giant martini and laugh at myself for a few hours. I'm pretty ridiculous sometimes, and my friends captured that very well. I was honored by the attention and effort and by the kind words that everyone wrote in the scrapbook that they made for me. Sigh. Parting is such sweet sorrow.
Today I get to drive to Brooklyn for an epic hang with my girl! I get to drive there with my bff, lafm, who's going on to Newark to celebrate Molly and Thomas' engagement! I got them a 3-legged ceramic pig from Chile, a good luck charm:)
Just spoke with my mom who's getting ready to bring Enzo to his first dog training class...she's convinced that he'll be the valedictorian, smart little thing that he is. She's doing an amazing thing by fostering Enzo for us during this move. I know that she loves him, and he loves her, and I just don't know how it's going to be for us to take him away in December. I have to trust her that it will be ok but there are many times when I think he should just stay with her. But then again, it's becoming the coldest, snowiest part of winter and it might be really challenging to have to walk him on icy sidewalks...I just want Mom to have a companion, a fuzzy friend to keep her company. So I hope she can keep looking for a little black cockapoo or other grown-up little dog to call her own. At any rate, what she's doing now for Mark and me is invaluable and so, so appreciated.
Today I get to drive to Brooklyn for an epic hang with my girl! I get to drive there with my bff, lafm, who's going on to Newark to celebrate Molly and Thomas' engagement! I got them a 3-legged ceramic pig from Chile, a good luck charm:)
Just spoke with my mom who's getting ready to bring Enzo to his first dog training class...she's convinced that he'll be the valedictorian, smart little thing that he is. She's doing an amazing thing by fostering Enzo for us during this move. I know that she loves him, and he loves her, and I just don't know how it's going to be for us to take him away in December. I have to trust her that it will be ok but there are many times when I think he should just stay with her. But then again, it's becoming the coldest, snowiest part of winter and it might be really challenging to have to walk him on icy sidewalks...I just want Mom to have a companion, a fuzzy friend to keep her company. So I hope she can keep looking for a little black cockapoo or other grown-up little dog to call her own. At any rate, what she's doing now for Mark and me is invaluable and so, so appreciated.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Sabbatical
From the Latin, sabbaticus; a break or change from a normal routine; an extended absence from one's career to achieve something. Lately I've been thinking of my transition time as a sabbatical. I've actually had the idea of a sabbatical in my head for a while, perhaps to hike the Appalachian Trail with Laura, perhaps to play music again. And now, true to life's mischievous and unpredictable nature, it happens that I'm going on Sabbatical in Boulder Colorado! I think that's pretty cool. It's actually helping me to think about this time off...to put some structure or definition around what I'll be doing with my life after Odyssey. Which is how my brain works. I need something to ground me in my head. The thought of going to Boulder without a job, without immediate prospects is a little unsettling for a high achiever like me. What shall I do with my time? And the danger for me is that I would have no trouble finding something to fill a great deal of my time. Another school administration job...a new career path...And I'd be right back in my "normal routine" of trying to accomplish grand things on a grand scale (because I can) at the expense of my soul's peace, my body's health, relationships, etc.
So this time is a gift and I'm beginning to see it that way. I'm taking sabbatical. I really like how that sounds. And it's pretty much true, though I won't return to my normal routine afterwards. But I will be taking an extended period of time away from my career to accomplish something else. What a challenge for me!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (Odyssey) I have been feeling somewhat marginalized, demoted, deflated recently, which I suppose is to be expected. The transition from me to Bug as principal is not without casualties, my ego being one. I'm trying really hard to let go of control (you try prying control away from my iron grip) but at the same time stay engaged. It's becoming harder to see where I fit in. I'm trying to do a really great job with teacher observations and reviews because that's my best opportunity to continue to add to the school right now.
When my dad was dying the hospice people gave us some small books to read about the dying process; these books were incredibly helpful and comforting as we went through this together...what to expect and when. And interestingly, as I leave Odyssey I feel like I'm going through a type of death as well (not to be dramatic), the death of this crucially important and impactful chapter in my life. And, like my dad, who began to disengage with life a couple months before he died, I feel like my heart and mind is drifting away a bit from Odyssey; I don't think about the school every waking (and dreaming) moment, I am backing off from day to day operations, I'm not part of making plans for the future...I haven't even been next door to see the new construction in a while. I think it's all a necessary part of letting go.
So this time is a gift and I'm beginning to see it that way. I'm taking sabbatical. I really like how that sounds. And it's pretty much true, though I won't return to my normal routine afterwards. But I will be taking an extended period of time away from my career to accomplish something else. What a challenge for me!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (Odyssey) I have been feeling somewhat marginalized, demoted, deflated recently, which I suppose is to be expected. The transition from me to Bug as principal is not without casualties, my ego being one. I'm trying really hard to let go of control (you try prying control away from my iron grip) but at the same time stay engaged. It's becoming harder to see where I fit in. I'm trying to do a really great job with teacher observations and reviews because that's my best opportunity to continue to add to the school right now.
When my dad was dying the hospice people gave us some small books to read about the dying process; these books were incredibly helpful and comforting as we went through this together...what to expect and when. And interestingly, as I leave Odyssey I feel like I'm going through a type of death as well (not to be dramatic), the death of this crucially important and impactful chapter in my life. And, like my dad, who began to disengage with life a couple months before he died, I feel like my heart and mind is drifting away a bit from Odyssey; I don't think about the school every waking (and dreaming) moment, I am backing off from day to day operations, I'm not part of making plans for the future...I haven't even been next door to see the new construction in a while. I think it's all a necessary part of letting go.
Monday, November 5, 2012
It's been 15 days since my last post...
and some significant things have gone down since then...a hurricane, a road trip across the country in a UHaul, a college-friend reunion, a trip to Orono, a trip to Orlando...15 days closer to our move, 15 days closer to today. I put Mark on the plane back to Denver last night. Getting really familiar with BDL airport at this point. It will be 12 days until we see each other again, but Friday really doesn't count and today's almost over, so it's really like...8 days. We both see these next 2 weeks as a time for huge productivity at work--I've got so many teacher observations to do and write up, but my biggest project on the table is getting report cards ready for the end of the month. And since I'll be away during the last 2 weeks in November I need to finish this up by the 16th. So I'll be on it. Mark has just reached his one-month milestone at work and is feeling really strong and confident about how things are going and how he's doing so far. We talk about this all the time, how this is such an incredible opportunity for him to use his wealth of experience gained over 32 years in corporate engineering to help steer this small, young company to the next level. He believes that his knowledge and experience are truly valued at AirComm. That's huge.
Bikram yoga on my afternoon schedule today...a 4:30 class in Hartford. 106 degree room to sweat the trepidation about all this right out of me. It's really hard to think about much else when you're concentrating so hard on not passing out. I'm on the 2-week for $20 deal, so I want to make the most of it.
What a great visit with old friends this past weekend. Much laughter, possibly too much wine (but at least it was great wine!) and a lovely affirmation of the bonds between us.
Bikram yoga on my afternoon schedule today...a 4:30 class in Hartford. 106 degree room to sweat the trepidation about all this right out of me. It's really hard to think about much else when you're concentrating so hard on not passing out. I'm on the 2-week for $20 deal, so I want to make the most of it.
What a great visit with old friends this past weekend. Much laughter, possibly too much wine (but at least it was great wine!) and a lovely affirmation of the bonds between us.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
To Boulder, hell yeah!
Mark, my road warrior wolverine arrived in CT last evening and we spent some time packing the truck and even more time with our buddies at the Corner Pug...maybe a little too much time.
Now we're off. Tickets...passport...money.
Onward into the west!
Monday, October 15, 2012
October 15
Halfway through October...5 days until we drive to Boulder for the first time...23 days until the election...then Thanksgiving and I'll be out in Colorado again for 2 weeks....the reality of our adventure is bearing down. I'm very excited but would be fooling myself if I said it wasn't overwhelming too.
We've had no bites on the condo...at some point we're going to have to think about what our plan will be if we don't sell it before I leave. But I think that "some point" is not 5:30 on Monday morning.
I have a busy week ahead at school, just going to be present, stay engaged and continue to get things in my office in order. Mark comes back on Friday afternoon!
We've had no bites on the condo...at some point we're going to have to think about what our plan will be if we don't sell it before I leave. But I think that "some point" is not 5:30 on Monday morning.
I have a busy week ahead at school, just going to be present, stay engaged and continue to get things in my office in order. Mark comes back on Friday afternoon!
Friday, October 12, 2012
duh bate
I stayed up too late last night watching the VP and Ryan talk at the country...my god can those guys spew it. It was more entertaining than the first debate, I'll give you that. And at least we know that Paul Ryan will be well-hydrated today.
It's only been 4 days since I saw Mark...but it feels much longer. This is so weird sometimes. I have to remind myself about what's happening and why. He moves into our rental house tomorrow, then he flies back to CT on Friday and we'll load up the Uhaul (after dinner at the Pug!) and hit the road early Saturday morning. Heading west on the ground...that will make it seem real, I sense. So I'm trying to decide which stuff we'll really need for 6 - 9 months in case we have to put all of our stuff in storage here or there. If we don't sell the condo then we'll just leave our stuff here while it's still on the market and move it once the condo sells. If we do sell the condo we'll put our stuff in storage right away and unpack it once we find our permanent house in Boulder. Either way I need to figure out what to bring out west now because I don't think we're driving out again in December if we drive out next weekend. So everything else we think we need will have to be brought as airline luggage.
So far my list of essentials includes snowshoes, hiking sticks. my motorcycle helmet and the coffee maker. There must be more. A copy of Jiitterbug Perfume. We have a 10 foot Uhaul, so with some careful (engineering) packing we should be able to fit a fair number of possessions. Oh right, and the main reason we're driving out is to carry the stuff that movers won't transport: plants and large quantities of half-made wine. This better be some fantastic homemade pinot noir and chardonnay ; )
Big tag sale at school tomorrow, so I'm borrowing a long folding table and winnowing stuff from the basement, loft, garage, closets, etc. to sell. So our load will be lighter and we'll be richer to boot. And I get to have my face painted...sounds like a great day to me!
It's only been 4 days since I saw Mark...but it feels much longer. This is so weird sometimes. I have to remind myself about what's happening and why. He moves into our rental house tomorrow, then he flies back to CT on Friday and we'll load up the Uhaul (after dinner at the Pug!) and hit the road early Saturday morning. Heading west on the ground...that will make it seem real, I sense. So I'm trying to decide which stuff we'll really need for 6 - 9 months in case we have to put all of our stuff in storage here or there. If we don't sell the condo then we'll just leave our stuff here while it's still on the market and move it once the condo sells. If we do sell the condo we'll put our stuff in storage right away and unpack it once we find our permanent house in Boulder. Either way I need to figure out what to bring out west now because I don't think we're driving out again in December if we drive out next weekend. So everything else we think we need will have to be brought as airline luggage.
So far my list of essentials includes snowshoes, hiking sticks. my motorcycle helmet and the coffee maker. There must be more. A copy of Jiitterbug Perfume. We have a 10 foot Uhaul, so with some careful (engineering) packing we should be able to fit a fair number of possessions. Oh right, and the main reason we're driving out is to carry the stuff that movers won't transport: plants and large quantities of half-made wine. This better be some fantastic homemade pinot noir and chardonnay ; )
Big tag sale at school tomorrow, so I'm borrowing a long folding table and winnowing stuff from the basement, loft, garage, closets, etc. to sell. So our load will be lighter and we'll be richer to boot. And I get to have my face painted...sounds like a great day to me!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Heading back east
Monday morning, Columbus Day and I'm waiting for the airport shuttle to get me to DIA for my flight back to CT. It's been a productive week here...I'm feeling like there's definite forward progress for our adventure.
The biggest thing is that we found a house to rent so Mark can get out of the Homewood Suites and into a place that will feel a lot more like home. It's a little house in Table Mesa, which is an area in the southwest part of Boulder, nestled right up against the Flatirons. When the leaves fall outside the house we'll be able to see the mountains from the living room...we can walk to the trailheads and come back to a cozy fire in the wood stove...we can have Enzo with us...so it's kind of perfect. We signed a 6 month lease with an option to go month-by-month after that. I'll try to get some pix up on the blog. So Mark will move in next Saturday. And our latest brainstorm is for him to fly home on the 19th as planned, then we load up a small Uhaul with stuff that will make the rental feel like our place (a couple of rugs, our box of rocks, our down comforter, etc) as well as stuff that the movers won't transport (6-gallon carboys of wine, plants, etc) and we drive to Boulder from Saturday to Monday and I fly back on wednesday. I'll have to figure out my work schedule...feels like I'm taking a lot of time off, but it also feels necessary.
Better get ready for the shuttle...more later.
The biggest thing is that we found a house to rent so Mark can get out of the Homewood Suites and into a place that will feel a lot more like home. It's a little house in Table Mesa, which is an area in the southwest part of Boulder, nestled right up against the Flatirons. When the leaves fall outside the house we'll be able to see the mountains from the living room...we can walk to the trailheads and come back to a cozy fire in the wood stove...we can have Enzo with us...so it's kind of perfect. We signed a 6 month lease with an option to go month-by-month after that. I'll try to get some pix up on the blog. So Mark will move in next Saturday. And our latest brainstorm is for him to fly home on the 19th as planned, then we load up a small Uhaul with stuff that will make the rental feel like our place (a couple of rugs, our box of rocks, our down comforter, etc) as well as stuff that the movers won't transport (6-gallon carboys of wine, plants, etc) and we drive to Boulder from Saturday to Monday and I fly back on wednesday. I'll have to figure out my work schedule...feels like I'm taking a lot of time off, but it also feels necessary.
Better get ready for the shuttle...more later.
Friday, October 5, 2012
O give me a home....
...that doesn't cost $700,000 for a 1980's 2-bedroom, 1700 square-foot duplex in North Boulder, what? Housing prices are beyond outrageous here. We're looking more and more to rent until we can unearth something more reasonable. I'm going to look into a few cohousing communities in town that may have rentals available. And I think we may draw a wider circumference around Boulder proper...maybe look east into the range a little more. We've been mostly looking in the foothills and on the western side of town, but now we're feeling the need to get Mark into a home instead of the Homebound Suites (adequate, clean, comfortable and safe, but definitely not home) soon. So that's on my agenda today, along with a hot yoga class at CorePower in Broomfield and scoring some new hiking boots at my new favorite store, REI (Really Expensive Inventory).
Woke up this morning to 33 degrees and a light snow. The mountains are dusted and shimmering in the morning light. Marks office window looks west to the Flatirons and the Rockys beyond. Beautiful.
I think we're heading up and over the mountains this afternoon to see Michelle and the kids...we'll test out mountain pass driving after a dusting, though most of the snow should be gone by this afternoon. They say that snow comes and goes so quickly around here....
I have 78 emails from school....OCS feels far away. I feel like an observer these past 3 days. Like all of life always does, school will carry on without me. I don't mean to be morbid or self-deprecating, it's really just how it is. The mountains, the ocean, the rocks, the fruit of my labor will all carry on no matter where my path leads me...and I find that comforting and humbling.
Woke up this morning to 33 degrees and a light snow. The mountains are dusted and shimmering in the morning light. Marks office window looks west to the Flatirons and the Rockys beyond. Beautiful.
I think we're heading up and over the mountains this afternoon to see Michelle and the kids...we'll test out mountain pass driving after a dusting, though most of the snow should be gone by this afternoon. They say that snow comes and goes so quickly around here....
I have 78 emails from school....OCS feels far away. I feel like an observer these past 3 days. Like all of life always does, school will carry on without me. I don't mean to be morbid or self-deprecating, it's really just how it is. The mountains, the ocean, the rocks, the fruit of my labor will all carry on no matter where my path leads me...and I find that comforting and humbling.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Onward to Boulder
Sitting at the gate waiting for zone C to be called....that's "c" for loser who gets to sit in the middle seat every time. But its ok because zone C will take me to my best friend and partner in this adventure. Next blog will be from Boulder, hopefully at a hip little cafe on the street.
I was awake last night thinking about how I've gotten rather far away from regular communion with the natural world. I used to be a passionate tree-hugger, backpacker, hiker, snow-shoe-r...loved to sit on a rocky outcropping and soak up the sounds, smells and sights of the woods. Now I will have the chance to get back to that part of myself...isn't that marvelous?! I'm excited to experience the process of acclimatization once I'm living at altitude. And hot yoga at altitude.
Enzo is doing really well with mom, and that makes it so much easier to have him away from me. They are having fun and lots of snuggles together, and that makes me happy. It helps so much to not have to make arrangements for him while I travel, while Im out at night...
Onward into the west!
I was awake last night thinking about how I've gotten rather far away from regular communion with the natural world. I used to be a passionate tree-hugger, backpacker, hiker, snow-shoe-r...loved to sit on a rocky outcropping and soak up the sounds, smells and sights of the woods. Now I will have the chance to get back to that part of myself...isn't that marvelous?! I'm excited to experience the process of acclimatization once I'm living at altitude. And hot yoga at altitude.
Enzo is doing really well with mom, and that makes it so much easier to have him away from me. They are having fun and lots of snuggles together, and that makes me happy. It helps so much to not have to make arrangements for him while I travel, while Im out at night...
Onward into the west!
Monday, October 1, 2012
The first of October
Monday morning and I woke up without a fuzzy creature demanding my attention. Not Mark(!) but our puppy Enzo...now a Mainer, moved to Orono this weekend to live with my mom. Her offer to provide foster care while we're in the middle of the move to CO was generous and timely. And I think he'll give her some lovely companionship and comfort during what will surely be a sad and lonely time for her. Then there's always the comic relief...humping his stuffed-dog toy...? Oh no you don't. I'm calling the Orono vet today to set up an extraction of his little pine nuts.
I drove home with Shirley yesterday...there's something about the support of one's sister that means so much. She's been so supportive of Mark and me through this, reminding me yesterday that miles may separate all of us right now but that our family is strong and able to stay strong through anything. We talked about the need to put gatherings down on the calendar, to make the effort to get together periodically, especially as our families grow and change. Marriages, babies, aging...many milestones are on our horizon. We'll be there for each other.
The movers are coming here tonight to give an estimate for moving costs. I had a dream the other night that the estimate was $45,000, and that I was concerned that it was too high for Marks new company to cover. This is an example of why it does no good to worry about things ahead of time.
It's "crazy hair day" in school today...I bought (temporary) electric blue hair dye. This is the kind of day you hope there are no critical issues that arise and you find yourself in a meeting with the town fire chief and 6 irate parents.
I drove home with Shirley yesterday...there's something about the support of one's sister that means so much. She's been so supportive of Mark and me through this, reminding me yesterday that miles may separate all of us right now but that our family is strong and able to stay strong through anything. We talked about the need to put gatherings down on the calendar, to make the effort to get together periodically, especially as our families grow and change. Marriages, babies, aging...many milestones are on our horizon. We'll be there for each other.
The movers are coming here tonight to give an estimate for moving costs. I had a dream the other night that the estimate was $45,000, and that I was concerned that it was too high for Marks new company to cover. This is an example of why it does no good to worry about things ahead of time.
It's "crazy hair day" in school today...I bought (temporary) electric blue hair dye. This is the kind of day you hope there are no critical issues that arise and you find yourself in a meeting with the town fire chief and 6 irate parents.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Tgiff
It's a rainy Friday afternoon and to commemorate our last night together for a while Enzo and I are staying in, having a gin & tonic, soup and watching Best In Show, one of our favorites. I'm the best one here, judge...pick me. Who's gonna catch a big fish? Ahhh, we can quote just about the whole movie. And what of it...plenty of men walking around called Dick.
I think that sharing movie dialogue with someone forms a special bond...like a secret language that makes you smile inside. Don't look at the fat-ass losers and freaks, look at ME!
Boat is boat, fuck is fuck. Different things. I move table and chair to edge of sea, I make your dream come true.
I know there are lots of watchable movies...but I prefer sometimes to watch the same movie over and over again. The way I read Jitterbug Perfume every couple of years just to remind myself to stay playful and fierce. There's comfort there.
Ach, I miss Mark.
Today at school for Professional Development we did an article study...the topic was from
the New York Times magazine: Is Failure the Key To Success? The premise, based on research was that performance-based character traits such as grit, determination, perseverance, optimism, gratitude, zest, etc are as- or more important indicators of long-term future success than things like IQ, economic background, or family make-up. And the question we asked ourselves was, can these traits be taught and nurtured in our students? And I think that we all believe that to some extent we already do teach, model and reinforce these traits in our students, but that we could be more deliberate and explicit about the fact that we do teach these things and that we believe they are key to our students' success. Then there's the issue of getting parent buy-in...not every parent is willing to step back and let their child experience those tough challenges that can ultimately be the vehicle for growth and maturity. So can we help parents understand that it's ok, and even desirable for their kids to be uncomfortable, to face really difficult situations and figure things out on their own...that this builds determination, grit and ultimately gives kids the tools they'll need to face life's much more gritty challenges down the road...? I say yes, that's a big part of what we do as educators.
Gosh, just when I'm at my most articulate (in my own mind) about my beliefs about public
education...I take my leave. I only hope that I've encouraged other educators to reflect on the enormity of the work they do, and the potential impact they have on the world.
And now, my Enzo is leaving me. I smiled today, thinking of the happiness and company he's going to give to mom over the next few months...that negates any sadness I feel at letting him go. Though I will miss his fuzzy little self.
And now, Best In Show...arguably Christopher Guest's best film. We still watch it on video tape :). I think that's cunning!
I think that sharing movie dialogue with someone forms a special bond...like a secret language that makes you smile inside. Don't look at the fat-ass losers and freaks, look at ME!
Boat is boat, fuck is fuck. Different things. I move table and chair to edge of sea, I make your dream come true.
I know there are lots of watchable movies...but I prefer sometimes to watch the same movie over and over again. The way I read Jitterbug Perfume every couple of years just to remind myself to stay playful and fierce. There's comfort there.
Ach, I miss Mark.
Today at school for Professional Development we did an article study...the topic was from
the New York Times magazine: Is Failure the Key To Success? The premise, based on research was that performance-based character traits such as grit, determination, perseverance, optimism, gratitude, zest, etc are as- or more important indicators of long-term future success than things like IQ, economic background, or family make-up. And the question we asked ourselves was, can these traits be taught and nurtured in our students? And I think that we all believe that to some extent we already do teach, model and reinforce these traits in our students, but that we could be more deliberate and explicit about the fact that we do teach these things and that we believe they are key to our students' success. Then there's the issue of getting parent buy-in...not every parent is willing to step back and let their child experience those tough challenges that can ultimately be the vehicle for growth and maturity. So can we help parents understand that it's ok, and even desirable for their kids to be uncomfortable, to face really difficult situations and figure things out on their own...that this builds determination, grit and ultimately gives kids the tools they'll need to face life's much more gritty challenges down the road...? I say yes, that's a big part of what we do as educators.
Gosh, just when I'm at my most articulate (in my own mind) about my beliefs about public
education...I take my leave. I only hope that I've encouraged other educators to reflect on the enormity of the work they do, and the potential impact they have on the world.
And now, my Enzo is leaving me. I smiled today, thinking of the happiness and company he's going to give to mom over the next few months...that negates any sadness I feel at letting him go. Though I will miss his fuzzy little self.
And now, Best In Show...arguably Christopher Guest's best film. We still watch it on video tape :). I think that's cunning!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Wednesday night
A voicemail message let me know that they're doing the first showing tomorrow. 3:45 pm. I think I may get up & wash the kitchen floor.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Tuesday
6:30am, been up for an hour and a half just...getting ready for the day. I swear I don't dilly-dally, but I always feel pressed for time in the morning. Got up, took the dog out, made coffee, got my lunch ready for school, checked my work email, read the first 3 pages of the Courant, got discouraged by world news, took the dog out again, removed the plastic bag that the newspaper came in from halfway down his throat, put a load of laundry in, took a shower, made scrambled eggs with guacamole, and now here I am writing my blog. I'm ready for a nap!
Gonna try to squeeze in a hot yoga class between my after-school meeting and Enzo's vet appointment at 6. I may have to miss the relaxation part at the end of class...my favorite part. Corpse pose. When else in life do you get to lie perfectly still and quiet in a warm room with 30 strangers?
Gonna try to squeeze in a hot yoga class between my after-school meeting and Enzo's vet appointment at 6. I may have to miss the relaxation part at the end of class...my favorite part. Corpse pose. When else in life do you get to lie perfectly still and quiet in a warm room with 30 strangers?
Monday, September 24, 2012
Monday September 24
And we start another week, another chance, another beginning. I feel that school is like that...every day is a new beginning, another chance to get it right (or more right), another chance to make a breakthrough with a tough kid, another opportunity to deepen a relationship. It's going to take some discipline to not lock myself in my office with all the paperwork I have to do but stay visible and present in classrooms, the playground and hallways. I traditionally have done paperwork at home after school or on weekends, but I've been pretty well occupied during those hours this year...
So the house looks great, and I feel ready to have some potential buyers come through. I've only given fleeting thought to what happens if we find a buyer right away who needs to move in right away? Guess I'd have to move. That would be fun.
I took a Bikram yoga class yesterday afternoon...room heated to 106 degrees and some very strenuous postures...and some gorgeous, fit people. I remembered taking Bikram years ago and feeling my body get stronger over the weeks. It may end up being quite convenient to stop in Hartford on my way home from work, so I may try to go a couple more times this week. It's way more healthy than eating wheat thins from the box and watching So You Think You Can Dance with the dog. (not dance with the dog...watch with the dog...ach, it's hard to write at the ass crack o' dawn)
I miss my honey. Likewise, I'm sure.
We got our AAA membership in the mail the other day. We joined so we could have roadside assistance during our drive from CT to CO in December. They included a map of the US...Colorado is really smack in the middle of the country, surrounded by (let's see if I can do this) Utah, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Wyoming and New Mexico. I wonder if I'll miss the ocean a lot? Just thinking about being so landlocked makes me antsy sometimes. But I've heard that the mountains are Coloradans' oceans...if that makes sense. Maybe you get to the mountains when you need to get to the edge. Because as you know, sometimes I just have to get to the edge, stand there and breathe.
So the house looks great, and I feel ready to have some potential buyers come through. I've only given fleeting thought to what happens if we find a buyer right away who needs to move in right away? Guess I'd have to move. That would be fun.
I took a Bikram yoga class yesterday afternoon...room heated to 106 degrees and some very strenuous postures...and some gorgeous, fit people. I remembered taking Bikram years ago and feeling my body get stronger over the weeks. It may end up being quite convenient to stop in Hartford on my way home from work, so I may try to go a couple more times this week. It's way more healthy than eating wheat thins from the box and watching So You Think You Can Dance with the dog. (not dance with the dog...watch with the dog...ach, it's hard to write at the ass crack o' dawn)
I miss my honey. Likewise, I'm sure.
We got our AAA membership in the mail the other day. We joined so we could have roadside assistance during our drive from CT to CO in December. They included a map of the US...Colorado is really smack in the middle of the country, surrounded by (let's see if I can do this) Utah, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Wyoming and New Mexico. I wonder if I'll miss the ocean a lot? Just thinking about being so landlocked makes me antsy sometimes. But I've heard that the mountains are Coloradans' oceans...if that makes sense. Maybe you get to the mountains when you need to get to the edge. Because as you know, sometimes I just have to get to the edge, stand there and breathe.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Staging
So 3 strangers are in my house, touching my stuff, moving my stuff around, talking about my stuff. I just worked my butt off for the past week, boxing extra stuff up, cleaning out closets, reducing clutter, making it look like "a model home." I felt like Dori in Finding Nemo...just keep cleaning...just keep cleaning...But no matter how much you think you're done, real estage agents have a different eye for what will "show well." So I know it's their jobs to make the place look good in pictures. But damn, don't touch my stuff. The picture of my dad on the piano...the note from a first grader on my fridge (You are the gratest prinibull evr...so grat and prfct"...books on the coffeetable. ach.
Enzo was a prfct little puppy through it all, even though I could tell it bothered him too.
And now we have a lock box on the front door and plans for an open house next Sunday. With any luck I'll be on my way home from Orono, having seen my mom and left one little puppy with her for the time being. ahhhh, i know I'm gonna miss his fuzzy little face and his affection. But I think that mom and he will have a good time together, enjoying the fall Maine weather, spending lots of time all day rather than being in a crate all day (Enzo, not mom).
I'm meeting Laurie for Bikram yoga later today in Hartford, maybe go to Firebox for a bite afterwards. Looked up yoga studios in Boulder...there are a number of them (as expected). I can finally nurture a consistent yoga practice...I'm really looking forward to that.
This is a weird sort of limbo time for me...packing up my life here but still very engaged in life here...feeling my heart out in Colorado with Mark, but missing him every day here...wishing I was already there, but not ready to not be here...I want to be present through all these feelings...it's very, very easy for me to put my head down and just try to push through the feelings, to push them down, mask them with work or wine...but this is an opportunity, a chance to be present, authentic and whole. Let me not squander what life is offering me right now.
This is from a hike that Mark did in the Flatirons yesterday...looking east toward the great plains...and me.
Enzo was a prfct little puppy through it all, even though I could tell it bothered him too.
And now we have a lock box on the front door and plans for an open house next Sunday. With any luck I'll be on my way home from Orono, having seen my mom and left one little puppy with her for the time being. ahhhh, i know I'm gonna miss his fuzzy little face and his affection. But I think that mom and he will have a good time together, enjoying the fall Maine weather, spending lots of time all day rather than being in a crate all day (Enzo, not mom).
I'm meeting Laurie for Bikram yoga later today in Hartford, maybe go to Firebox for a bite afterwards. Looked up yoga studios in Boulder...there are a number of them (as expected). I can finally nurture a consistent yoga practice...I'm really looking forward to that.
This is a weird sort of limbo time for me...packing up my life here but still very engaged in life here...feeling my heart out in Colorado with Mark, but missing him every day here...wishing I was already there, but not ready to not be here...I want to be present through all these feelings...it's very, very easy for me to put my head down and just try to push through the feelings, to push them down, mask them with work or wine...but this is an opportunity, a chance to be present, authentic and whole. Let me not squander what life is offering me right now.
Friday, September 21, 2012
September 21
Today is the last day of summer and it promises to be a beauty. I've always loved autumn with its cool blue sky days and crisp clear nights...there's a nostalgia for the carefree early days of college too.
So I'm seriously considering Moms offer to take care of Enzo through the move. He's definitely getting easier to care for...more independent, less attention-seeking, even if he is mischievous and rambuntious at times. He might offer some sweet companionship to Mom at what could be a hard time for her, coming up on a year after Dad died. And I have to admit that it would be a lot easier to do all that I need to do here without having to work around him. The thing is, I've grown to love the fuzzy little thing...I'd miss his antics and his companionship. But when I think about having the house on the market, needing to keep it clean enough for potential buyers (a lot cleaner than it is right now...) needing to devote long hours to school...it kind of makes sense to do this. I'll talk with Mark about it later today. I could bring him up the weekend after next.
We're starting to get emails from the real estate agents in Boulder, but the houses they're showing us are expensive behemoths...modern, angular...not me. I'm trying not to be anxious about the housing thing and to let Mark do most of the real estate legwork out there and just concentrate on the top real estate stuff here. Maybe we will end up renting something in town for a while. Id rather do that than live in a behemoth.
Lea Ann came over last night for sushi and packing...I let her attack my kitchen cupboards...she has this knack for making order out of chaos...turning all the labels so they face out, all the round containers together, boxes ordered from talk to short...it's a gift, really. And I love her for just telling me she was coming over, not asking. She knows that I'm likely to say no, I don't need help. But clearly I do...a lot!
Is there a way to buy food so that you don't end up with a quarter full box of whole wheat pancake mix...half a container of black currants you bought to make rice pilaf 6 years ago...? I want to be
more careful about the food I buy and subsequently waste.
I really miss Mark this morning. A lot. 13 days till I go back out.
So I'm seriously considering Moms offer to take care of Enzo through the move. He's definitely getting easier to care for...more independent, less attention-seeking, even if he is mischievous and rambuntious at times. He might offer some sweet companionship to Mom at what could be a hard time for her, coming up on a year after Dad died. And I have to admit that it would be a lot easier to do all that I need to do here without having to work around him. The thing is, I've grown to love the fuzzy little thing...I'd miss his antics and his companionship. But when I think about having the house on the market, needing to keep it clean enough for potential buyers (a lot cleaner than it is right now...) needing to devote long hours to school...it kind of makes sense to do this. I'll talk with Mark about it later today. I could bring him up the weekend after next.
We're starting to get emails from the real estate agents in Boulder, but the houses they're showing us are expensive behemoths...modern, angular...not me. I'm trying not to be anxious about the housing thing and to let Mark do most of the real estate legwork out there and just concentrate on the top real estate stuff here. Maybe we will end up renting something in town for a while. Id rather do that than live in a behemoth.
Lea Ann came over last night for sushi and packing...I let her attack my kitchen cupboards...she has this knack for making order out of chaos...turning all the labels so they face out, all the round containers together, boxes ordered from talk to short...it's a gift, really. And I love her for just telling me she was coming over, not asking. She knows that I'm likely to say no, I don't need help. But clearly I do...a lot!
Is there a way to buy food so that you don't end up with a quarter full box of whole wheat pancake mix...half a container of black currants you bought to make rice pilaf 6 years ago...? I want to be
more careful about the food I buy and subsequently waste.
I really miss Mark this morning. A lot. 13 days till I go back out.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
47%
Mitt is causing me stress and I just really don't need that right now. At the root of my stress is the incredulity that someone of this level of ignorance and insensitivity could become a presidential candidate in this country. the next 7 weeks can't pass quickly enough.
Enzo's going to dog day care today...we'll see how that goes. It's been a long time since I've left a small living thing who's dependent on me (again, part of the 47%) in a large room with other howling creatures, turned my back to it and walked away. And Laura grew up just fine it seems. So we'll try it today. I just think he's too little to be in the crate for 9 hours at a time. Mom has generously offered to be a "foster granny" to Enzo while we go through this move...I know he'd love to be with her, would love the attention. I'll have to think on that one a little while.
Last night I cleaned out the medicine cabinet...aspirin from 2002, milk of magnesia from the ice age...I think that when you buy milk of magnesia you expect to never finish the bottle. I mean, how many times do you ever use that stuff? I'm not even really sure what it's for. They should sell it in single-serving containers....like a Keurig coffee pod-thingy.
Howling wind and torrential rain last night...I really missed my warm bedmate. Thought about letting the dog sleep with me but that ended pretty quickly after 2 minutes of squirrelly behavior near my pillow.
Enzo's going to dog day care today...we'll see how that goes. It's been a long time since I've left a small living thing who's dependent on me (again, part of the 47%) in a large room with other howling creatures, turned my back to it and walked away. And Laura grew up just fine it seems. So we'll try it today. I just think he's too little to be in the crate for 9 hours at a time. Mom has generously offered to be a "foster granny" to Enzo while we go through this move...I know he'd love to be with her, would love the attention. I'll have to think on that one a little while.
Last night I cleaned out the medicine cabinet...aspirin from 2002, milk of magnesia from the ice age...I think that when you buy milk of magnesia you expect to never finish the bottle. I mean, how many times do you ever use that stuff? I'm not even really sure what it's for. They should sell it in single-serving containers....like a Keurig coffee pod-thingy.
Howling wind and torrential rain last night...I really missed my warm bedmate. Thought about letting the dog sleep with me but that ended pretty quickly after 2 minutes of squirrelly behavior near my pillow.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
September 18
Didn't get to yoga last night, still trying to work out logistics of taking care of Enzo by myself. We may try dog day care this week.
Mark had a good first day on the new job...like the folks, likes the tenor of the place, feels like he's getting a handle on what all needs to be done. And he was very excited about the free food and beer that was coming his way.
I committed to putting the house on the market by Monday (a week later than planned) so I need to get going on some serious staging every night this week and especially on Saturday. I think I'm close, just need to tick off rooms one at a time.
We've had a spate of inappropriate touching among first graders so today we will tackle that issue in our morning meetings. Respectful hands...an important life lesson for all of us.
Mark had a good first day on the new job...like the folks, likes the tenor of the place, feels like he's getting a handle on what all needs to be done. And he was very excited about the free food and beer that was coming his way.
I committed to putting the house on the market by Monday (a week later than planned) so I need to get going on some serious staging every night this week and especially on Saturday. I think I'm close, just need to tick off rooms one at a time.
We've had a spate of inappropriate touching among first graders so today we will tackle that issue in our morning meetings. Respectful hands...an important life lesson for all of us.
Monday, September 17, 2012
September 17
First morning back here in CT with just Enzo and e. Me. He discovered the joys of toilet paper...goes into the bathroom and comes out with 15 feet of unrolled TP, a shit-eating grin on his fuzzy little face. We miss Mark and his early-morning poop patrols. We miss him for other reasons too...
After work, maybe after some hot yoga, I'll keep getting the house ready for the market. There's a lot to do...I have to remember, one thing at a time...break it into small chunks and just go.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Sweet Sorrow
I'm posting this blog from 37,064 feet, 557mph away from the man I love. The wrenching sadness at leaving each other kind of took me by surprise. I knew it would be hard, emotional, all of that. But it's almost like we looked at each other differently now that I was getting ready to leave him in his new home in Boulder...like we were seeing each other a little more clearly, stripped of all distraction and normalcy, thrust into the reality and the enormity of what is happening. There is a great love here, a deep friendship and gratitude for each other and the life we're sharing. I have so much admiration and respect for Mark and for the tremendous bravery he's mustering to do this thing. He has changed over the past month, and the remarkable thing is that he's conscious and aware of where his mind and heart are...what he's feeling, how he's doing. I'm so proud of him. 16 days and I'll be back.
Only thing is, he'll have had 16 more days to acclimate and grow more red blood cells. He's gonna kick my ass on the trail.
Only thing is, he'll have had 16 more days to acclimate and grow more red blood cells. He's gonna kick my ass on the trail.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Bolder
Yeah, we're feeling rather bold these days, rather ballsy for taking this path. All afternoon yesterday we had to remind ourselves that we're not just visiting--we are going to live here. It's almost surreal.
Flight out was fine, even with the dregs of seating choices (Southwest, section C...we really didn't have a chance to sit together). It's very bumpy over the mountains, so I'm gonna have to get used to the turbulence or I'll be grabbing some stranger's hand when it starts to get choppy.
Mark's new home away from home, the Homewood Suites is (are) quite nice, very comfortable for the short term. And they'll feed him every night if he wants...loaded baked potato on Mondays, fajita on Tuesdays, steak every Thursday...where can I get this deal? So today we'll nest up his place a bit.
We spent the evening on Pearl St, the pedestrian walkway in downtown...very Burlington, very hip. Lots of street performers. My favorite was the 2 dudes hawking jokes for a quarter. Jokes for a quarter...now that's funny!
Took an early dinner at Riffs; small plates, very good food, especially the white bean purée which I seem to be drawn to lately. It's easy to make, cheap, healthy, classy and susceptible to any variation you could think of. 4:30 felt like dinner time to us. The sun was blazing as it sank over the mountains which rise up right at the end of Pearl. 2 guys playing guitar set up nearby so we were treated to some really fine street music...Neil, CSNY...heard Southern Cross for the first of 2 times yesterday. Some decent blues too. Mark is thinking that if the new job doesn't work out he could always come to Pearl St and play for quarters. I'm gonna encourage him to work really hard.
I had heard that Boulder was lacking in diversity and from what we could see last night it's quite true. The only person of color we came across was a contortionist plying his trade on the sidewalk. Otherwise, a homogeneous demographic, at least where we were. It made me appreciate the diversity that we have in CT. This might take some getting used to.
First impressions of this town: clean, dry air, blazing sun, brilliant sky illuminating nearby mountains. Bikers and walkers everywhere, overflowing bike racks on every street corner, the scent of patchouli wafting through the air (along with an occasional whiff of some medical grade cannabis being consumed), several small independent bookstores (so cool!), not a few young, barefoot hippie kids begging for money (on one sign: "anything will help, even a smile," which we were happy to provide), a bassoon quartet, lots of kids enjoying the kid areas--big climbing boulders that made me think of Odysseys new play area--see, I'm not crazy, kids love to climb on big rocks! Ladies in nice dresses with bike helmets, many older folks strolling in the evening air, lots of art shops, and of course, no shortage of food choices. I'm kind of hungry right now in fact.
So remember how I said that I wasn't really posting my blog in the wee hours? Well, this time I am. Wide freakin awake at 3:00am because my programmed self thinks its 5am and time to get up. This is gonna have to stop!
We're meeting with one of the realtors today, going to try to help her understand what we are looking for in our next home. Definitely a fireplace, hopefully some mountains to look at and definitely lots of room for our friends and family to come stay!
4:45...too early for coffee?
Flight out was fine, even with the dregs of seating choices (Southwest, section C...we really didn't have a chance to sit together). It's very bumpy over the mountains, so I'm gonna have to get used to the turbulence or I'll be grabbing some stranger's hand when it starts to get choppy.
Mark's new home away from home, the Homewood Suites is (are) quite nice, very comfortable for the short term. And they'll feed him every night if he wants...loaded baked potato on Mondays, fajita on Tuesdays, steak every Thursday...where can I get this deal? So today we'll nest up his place a bit.
We spent the evening on Pearl St, the pedestrian walkway in downtown...very Burlington, very hip. Lots of street performers. My favorite was the 2 dudes hawking jokes for a quarter. Jokes for a quarter...now that's funny!
Took an early dinner at Riffs; small plates, very good food, especially the white bean purée which I seem to be drawn to lately. It's easy to make, cheap, healthy, classy and susceptible to any variation you could think of. 4:30 felt like dinner time to us. The sun was blazing as it sank over the mountains which rise up right at the end of Pearl. 2 guys playing guitar set up nearby so we were treated to some really fine street music...Neil, CSNY...heard Southern Cross for the first of 2 times yesterday. Some decent blues too. Mark is thinking that if the new job doesn't work out he could always come to Pearl St and play for quarters. I'm gonna encourage him to work really hard.
I had heard that Boulder was lacking in diversity and from what we could see last night it's quite true. The only person of color we came across was a contortionist plying his trade on the sidewalk. Otherwise, a homogeneous demographic, at least where we were. It made me appreciate the diversity that we have in CT. This might take some getting used to.
First impressions of this town: clean, dry air, blazing sun, brilliant sky illuminating nearby mountains. Bikers and walkers everywhere, overflowing bike racks on every street corner, the scent of patchouli wafting through the air (along with an occasional whiff of some medical grade cannabis being consumed), several small independent bookstores (so cool!), not a few young, barefoot hippie kids begging for money (on one sign: "anything will help, even a smile," which we were happy to provide), a bassoon quartet, lots of kids enjoying the kid areas--big climbing boulders that made me think of Odysseys new play area--see, I'm not crazy, kids love to climb on big rocks! Ladies in nice dresses with bike helmets, many older folks strolling in the evening air, lots of art shops, and of course, no shortage of food choices. I'm kind of hungry right now in fact.
So remember how I said that I wasn't really posting my blog in the wee hours? Well, this time I am. Wide freakin awake at 3:00am because my programmed self thinks its 5am and time to get up. This is gonna have to stop!
We're meeting with one of the realtors today, going to try to help her understand what we are looking for in our next home. Definitely a fireplace, hopefully some mountains to look at and definitely lots of room for our friends and family to come stay!
4:45...too early for coffee?
Friday, September 14, 2012
today
omg it feels like we have a crazy amount to do before...what? before Mark leaves CT for good in 6 hours? before we put the house on the market? before we wrap our minds around what's actually happening?
I really, really want to be excited about flying to Boulder today to see where we're going to live, to get a feel for it, to see the mountains, breathe the air...
but right now I'm a little bit freaking out. i think we both are. so we prioritized our tasks: he's going through the mountain of old paperwork that found a home on the dining room table and I'm writing about it. Whew i feel a little better already.
I know that as soon as we're on the plane and Enzo is all set for the weekend (thanks Jodi) and laundry is finished, house is cleaned, stuff is tidied, bike and guitar are stowed in cargo...i know we'll start to get really excited about what's happening.
I told the Odyssey parents last night at our COOP meeting. That was really hard.
I think I'm not always adept at recognizing what i might mean to someone and what our relationship might mean to the other person. maybe I sometimes take relationships for granted. I mean, I know that I value other people and appreciate our interactions and the things we do together, but on a deeper level I think i might not always get what's going on. I'd like to work on this. I bet my friends would appreciate it if i do.
Now i'll go offer some material support to this morning's activities. I bet my husband would appreciate it if i do.
I really, really want to be excited about flying to Boulder today to see where we're going to live, to get a feel for it, to see the mountains, breathe the air...
but right now I'm a little bit freaking out. i think we both are. so we prioritized our tasks: he's going through the mountain of old paperwork that found a home on the dining room table and I'm writing about it. Whew i feel a little better already.
I know that as soon as we're on the plane and Enzo is all set for the weekend (thanks Jodi) and laundry is finished, house is cleaned, stuff is tidied, bike and guitar are stowed in cargo...i know we'll start to get really excited about what's happening.
I told the Odyssey parents last night at our COOP meeting. That was really hard.
I think I'm not always adept at recognizing what i might mean to someone and what our relationship might mean to the other person. maybe I sometimes take relationships for granted. I mean, I know that I value other people and appreciate our interactions and the things we do together, but on a deeper level I think i might not always get what's going on. I'd like to work on this. I bet my friends would appreciate it if i do.
Now i'll go offer some material support to this morning's activities. I bet my husband would appreciate it if i do.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Mark's last day
Today is Mark's last day at Goodrich. They're taking him (the folks who used to work for him) out to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch...I hope he gets the firecracker shrimp.
When you leave a job you get the chance to reflect on what your presence has meant to the people and place where you spent most of your waking hours for the past howevermany (n) years. What impact did you have? What difference did you make? Whose lives did you touch and in what ways? When Mark first started working as an engineer in 1979, age 22, he thought that like his mentors before him that he'd work at Hamilton until he retired. A big send-off party, a good nature roast of his personality (people would have really known him), the satisfaction of believing that he was important and valuable up to the last day. Leaving HS for Goodrich, then leaving Goodrich for Boulder was not something he could have envisioned. But isn't life like that? Mark is a person of integrity...the most sincere and honest person I've ever known both personally and professionally. I think he's incredibly brave to follow a path that aligns with his principles instead of taking the easier (but ultimately deflating for him) route of maintaining the status quo. He does indeed have an impressive body of work (and may I add, an impressive body!) and I agree that he should be very proud. I hope he can remember that as he navigates through his last day.
Had a martini with my bff Lea Ann last night at Cavey's...I need to record her laugh so I can replay it when I need a shot of levity during this whole thing.
Tonight's the first parent meeting of the year at school and I am going to tell everyone that I'm leaving in December. I want to somehow communicate that while it's sad that I'm going, Odyssey is way bigger than me (always has been) and that the school and all of the teachers, parents and kids are going to be in the care of a leadership team that truly cares about them and that has what it takes to nurture Odyssey and move it forward. I want everyone to feel secure that in the middle of this huge change their kids will be safe and taken care of.
I think that the posts on my blog say that they're published in the wee morning hours...but that's really not true. I have been known to be up at 3am to email my poor staff members, but not this time. I just don't know how to change the time-stamp. Jodi?!!!
When you leave a job you get the chance to reflect on what your presence has meant to the people and place where you spent most of your waking hours for the past howevermany (n) years. What impact did you have? What difference did you make? Whose lives did you touch and in what ways? When Mark first started working as an engineer in 1979, age 22, he thought that like his mentors before him that he'd work at Hamilton until he retired. A big send-off party, a good nature roast of his personality (people would have really known him), the satisfaction of believing that he was important and valuable up to the last day. Leaving HS for Goodrich, then leaving Goodrich for Boulder was not something he could have envisioned. But isn't life like that? Mark is a person of integrity...the most sincere and honest person I've ever known both personally and professionally. I think he's incredibly brave to follow a path that aligns with his principles instead of taking the easier (but ultimately deflating for him) route of maintaining the status quo. He does indeed have an impressive body of work (and may I add, an impressive body!) and I agree that he should be very proud. I hope he can remember that as he navigates through his last day.
Had a martini with my bff Lea Ann last night at Cavey's...I need to record her laugh so I can replay it when I need a shot of levity during this whole thing.
Tonight's the first parent meeting of the year at school and I am going to tell everyone that I'm leaving in December. I want to somehow communicate that while it's sad that I'm going, Odyssey is way bigger than me (always has been) and that the school and all of the teachers, parents and kids are going to be in the care of a leadership team that truly cares about them and that has what it takes to nurture Odyssey and move it forward. I want everyone to feel secure that in the middle of this huge change their kids will be safe and taken care of.
I think that the posts on my blog say that they're published in the wee morning hours...but that's really not true. I have been known to be up at 3am to email my poor staff members, but not this time. I just don't know how to change the time-stamp. Jodi?!!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Lightening the load
Mark (my novice winemaker) has two carboys of wine in the basement, one Burgundian-style chardonney and one Pinot Noir. 30 bottles each. Now what does one do with wine that is not quite ready to be bottled when one moves across the country? Put the 6-gallon jugs in the back of the Subaru? In December? Do we need to find wine-maker-friendly (as well as dog-friendly) motels along I-80 west so we can maintain an even temperature? Hmm, not sure about this one.
The Harley should be picked up tomorrow, delivered to Boulder on Tuesday. Fingers crossed. Mark stuffed his road bike into a box and padded it with his motorcycle jacket, helmet and other stuff. We're hoping to check it as baggage on the Friday flight, but then we're not sure how we're getting it from Denver airport to Boulder...we need a rental car with a roof rack or a rental suv. I never knew that you could check a bike as luggage.
Dinner tonight with Jenny and the kids. Mark might not see them again for quite a while.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Let the staging begin
It's weird to put dolls in a box...their eyes never close all the way...
Enzo slept through the night!! Good news for Jodi who's dog-sitting this weekend, thanks Jodes!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Sunday
A realtor is coming over today to talk with us about putting the condo on the market. So this morning, we clean. I started putting away some of the little stuff that makes our home our home...little Budda statues, wine bottles from fondly remembered times, driftwood sculptures, old-glass vases, singing bowls and dozens and dozens of rocks: round granite stones from Maine, galets roules from Chateauneuf-du-Pape, caymanite from Little Cayman, pebbles from Mendocino...so many rocks! In my next life I'm destined to be a geologist. Anyway, other folks might not be as charmed by our collections of stuff, so away it goes. As I put the little felt beet that Laura gave me in a box yesterday I smiled to think of it emerging in its new home in Boulder.
Mark decided to not try to get back to Hartford for the half marathon, even though he's been training really well all summer. Maybe a 10k out in CO this fall. I started Insanity at home (it's a workout, not a state of mind--usually). Gotta squeeze it in.
The reality of our departure is hitting some people we love really hard. I think that it may be harder to be the ones being left than it is to be the ones leaving. I only hope that we can stay in touch and offer a great place (and reason) to visit. It's really something for me to realize that I am entitled to make decisions about my own life that will upset the status quo, but that it's ok for me to do that. Neither of us is particularly adept at upsetting the apple cart due to decisions that we make in our best interest. So we hope that we're being sensitive and compassionate to those we love while still pursuing our interests and dreams. We feel quite sobered by the decision to move, but also very brave. And we have so much love and gratitude for the support we're getting from people who know and love us.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
A Large Box
I went out with friends from school yesterday (our off-site meeting). Sitting around the big table outside in the Hartford Road Cafe with 20 of the people I've worked so hard with over the past 4 years just made me feel so good. These are really hard-working, dedicated, loving people who give their hearts and lives to the kids they teach and to each other. Odyssey is a family, we've always said that. They are being really supportive of me during this time, and that means so much. And it's always good to laugh that hard on a Friday (looking at potential Match.com dates on someone's phone...yikes!)
So, today we're going to RI to see my sister and her husband for a few hours then back here to tidy up before the realtor comes tomorrow to talk with us about selling the condo.
I figured out how to put a picture on the blog, yay! After I tell the Odyssey parents on Thursday at the parent meeting that I'm leaving I'll link the blog to my facebook page.
Friday, September 7, 2012
TGIFF
I had a slight meltdown last night. The prospect of letting go of an all-consuming work life, even for a while, kind of scares me and I was feeling it last night. I think that for the past couple of decades my work has been a sort of shield for me, deflecting some deep-seated personal stuff that now is at risk of being exposed. I feel like I'm ready to live more authentically, more true to myself, and I know that involves dropping my shield--my defenses--and being with myself. It's hard to leave Odyssey for all sorts of reasons, but this is the most personal reason.
So in the middle of my meltdown Mark and I had to negotiate how to be together and give each other what we need during this time. We had the "it has to be about me right now...no, it has to be about me" discussion standing in the kitchen after supper. He felt that since he's been ticking off his to-do list that he was meeting my emotional needs, bless his heart. I think we came to a good understanding last night. When we said "yes" to this adventure we told each other that this was going to be hard. So last night in the kitchen, as I was crying in his arms we looked at each other and said, so this is what we meant by "this was going to be hard." Leaving the east coast, my mom, my sister, our kids, our grandkids, our friends, our jobs, everything that's familiar...it's hard. Ah, so this is what "hard" feels like.
On the up side, it's gonna be 80 degrees, sunny and 34% humidity in Boulder today.
So in the middle of my meltdown Mark and I had to negotiate how to be together and give each other what we need during this time. We had the "it has to be about me right now...no, it has to be about me" discussion standing in the kitchen after supper. He felt that since he's been ticking off his to-do list that he was meeting my emotional needs, bless his heart. I think we came to a good understanding last night. When we said "yes" to this adventure we told each other that this was going to be hard. So last night in the kitchen, as I was crying in his arms we looked at each other and said, so this is what we meant by "this was going to be hard." Leaving the east coast, my mom, my sister, our kids, our grandkids, our friends, our jobs, everything that's familiar...it's hard. Ah, so this is what "hard" feels like.
On the up side, it's gonna be 80 degrees, sunny and 34% humidity in Boulder today.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Thursday September 6
Yesterday I requested time off for this move...once later this month to fly out with Mark (and leave him there) and once in October, a longer visit to try to find a place to live. And to get into the mountains for a hike and see what this place is all about. It's not easy to take time off during the school year, but then again, it's not easy to leave halfway through the school year either. In an ideal world, our move would be happening in June, after this year is over. But I feel better knowing that we're putting a solid transition plan into place for the leadership in the school, and that I'll leave all the work I've done in very good hands.
Mark is investigating out how to ship our motorcycle out to Boulder. He learned that there's a vast infrastructure devoted to moving stuff back and forth across the country via truck...it's a broker-type system with a central booking set-up that arranges for a driver who's going to be in our area and is going to Colorado, to come pick up the bike. Hmmm. So how do you know that the driver won't just...drive off with the bike, never to be heard from again? And they want a credit card number on file? Hmmmm. More investigation is needed it seems. But the Harley is in the shop for its 10,000 mile tune-up, getting ready for some autumn rides through the mountains and canyons. That's exciting.
So what Mark's decided he needs to have to live without me for 4 months is his Harley, his road bike, running gear, his Stratocaster and some clothes. Sounds like the making of a man-cave to me. A man cave in the Homewood suites. Well, that takes the edge off the man cave image. A man should have his gear, period.
We're going to try to make contact with a realtor today and see about putting the condo on the market.
Mark is investigating out how to ship our motorcycle out to Boulder. He learned that there's a vast infrastructure devoted to moving stuff back and forth across the country via truck...it's a broker-type system with a central booking set-up that arranges for a driver who's going to be in our area and is going to Colorado, to come pick up the bike. Hmmm. So how do you know that the driver won't just...drive off with the bike, never to be heard from again? And they want a credit card number on file? Hmmmm. More investigation is needed it seems. But the Harley is in the shop for its 10,000 mile tune-up, getting ready for some autumn rides through the mountains and canyons. That's exciting.
So what Mark's decided he needs to have to live without me for 4 months is his Harley, his road bike, running gear, his Stratocaster and some clothes. Sounds like the making of a man-cave to me. A man cave in the Homewood suites. Well, that takes the edge off the man cave image. A man should have his gear, period.
We're going to try to make contact with a realtor today and see about putting the condo on the market.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Still raining
September 5th, 90% humidity and 100% chance of rain today. New England humidity is something I definitely will not miss. The first day of school went so well, mostly because our teachers are heroes...hard-working, confident, compassionate heroes. It's all about getting the right people on the bus, and wow, do we ever have the right people this year. Kids are incredibly cute and excited for the new school year. Some are starting to show their true colors (short honeymoon period, right?) but with the experience we have from our first year, I know we'll be able to handle anything that comes our way.
So did I mention that a month ago we adopted a new puppy? Hmmm, timing is everything. It could be that had we known on August 6th that we'd be moving to Boulder in 5 months we might not have undertaken the monumental job of raising a new puppy. But damn, Enzo is cute and he has moments of being brilliant. It's the getting up in the middle of the night to play, pee, whatever that's starting to get old. I think we need to get some training (for Mark and me, that is). Anyway, we have him, he's ours and we're trying to figure out how to manage him along with everything else. If I can figure out how to put a picture on this blog I'll show you what he looks like. We named him after the canine narrator in the book The Art of Racing in the Rain. I highly recommend it.
September 17th feels like it's bearing down on us now...I'm more anxious about being alone here, not only because I'll miss having Mark here with me but also because of all that needs to be done to get ready to move, along with the demands of the first trimester of a new school year. I want more than anything to stay fully engaged at school...I think I'll be able to do that because of how busy each day is and how unpredictable my time at school is. I really can't do anything but be engaged while I'm there.
We made good progress on our lists yesterday(!) but I filled mine right back up for today. Gonna get boxes from UHaul I think. Packing something--anything--will help me feel more in control. I think that's a genetic thing with us Barneses...when a move is imminent, we spring into action. So I'm about to spring.
So did I mention that a month ago we adopted a new puppy? Hmmm, timing is everything. It could be that had we known on August 6th that we'd be moving to Boulder in 5 months we might not have undertaken the monumental job of raising a new puppy. But damn, Enzo is cute and he has moments of being brilliant. It's the getting up in the middle of the night to play, pee, whatever that's starting to get old. I think we need to get some training (for Mark and me, that is). Anyway, we have him, he's ours and we're trying to figure out how to manage him along with everything else. If I can figure out how to put a picture on this blog I'll show you what he looks like. We named him after the canine narrator in the book The Art of Racing in the Rain. I highly recommend it.
September 17th feels like it's bearing down on us now...I'm more anxious about being alone here, not only because I'll miss having Mark here with me but also because of all that needs to be done to get ready to move, along with the demands of the first trimester of a new school year. I want more than anything to stay fully engaged at school...I think I'll be able to do that because of how busy each day is and how unpredictable my time at school is. I really can't do anything but be engaged while I'm there.
We made good progress on our lists yesterday(!) but I filled mine right back up for today. Gonna get boxes from UHaul I think. Packing something--anything--will help me feel more in control. I think that's a genetic thing with us Barneses...when a move is imminent, we spring into action. So I'm about to spring.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
First day of the end of a chapter
Today is the first day of school at Odyssey Community School, the charter school I helped found 17 years ago. So it's also the beginning of the end of an incredible chapter in my life. I'll be at Odyssey until the Christmas break, helping with the leadership transition. Until then, I'll be doing everything an elementary school principal does...lots of daily interaction with beautiful kids, lots of coaching and guiding teachers, lots of reassuring parents that they're doing a good job (and coaching and guiding them when they're not), lots of paperwork for the state...and now, lots of reflecting on what my time at Odyssey has meant to me and to the school. More about this later.
Mark is going off today with a list of things that should be done before he leaves in mid-September: schedule a dryer vent cleaning; schedule a dermatology appointment; figure out how to ship his bicycle and his motorcycle to Boulder, etc, etc. I figure if you put everything you need to do in a neat, bulleted list, it's more manageable, more do-able. You can tick things off one by one and feel like you're getting somewhere. Anyway, that's what I do...I make lists. And, like most husbands, I know he truly appreciates it when his wife hands him a list.
My list is shorter, but it is the first day of school after all. And it's raining. I think it has rained on the first day of school just about every year I've been here. Maybe that's good luck. Anyway, I'll be hugging 180 soggy kids today!
Mark is going off today with a list of things that should be done before he leaves in mid-September: schedule a dryer vent cleaning; schedule a dermatology appointment; figure out how to ship his bicycle and his motorcycle to Boulder, etc, etc. I figure if you put everything you need to do in a neat, bulleted list, it's more manageable, more do-able. You can tick things off one by one and feel like you're getting somewhere. Anyway, that's what I do...I make lists. And, like most husbands, I know he truly appreciates it when his wife hands him a list.
My list is shorter, but it is the first day of school after all. And it's raining. I think it has rained on the first day of school just about every year I've been here. Maybe that's good luck. Anyway, I'll be hugging 180 soggy kids today!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Labor Day
Morning breaks misty and cool in Orono. Feels like summer is really winding down now. Mark and I are starting to tell our family and friends about our news, and just trying to honor and be with everyone's reactions. We both find it hard (especially he) to disappoint anyone, to make anyone feel bad because of choices we're making. But to live a true life, to honor your own passions and desires you sometimes will ruffle feathers of those who wish that things would stay the same.
Anticipation of our move is sitting right at the top of my chest...it's a palpable mixture of fear, excitement, sadness and exhilaration.
I've started 4 lists--this is what I do--I don't know another way to plan, keep track of a thousand details, keep it all together. Mark thinks its cute, but I know it's a survival skill.
It's going to be hard to say goodbye to mom this morning when we drive back to CT. Even though Boulder is a 51/2 hour plane trip from Bangor and West Hartford is a 61/2 hour drive from Bangor, it feels like we'll be so much farther away. Which we will be, geographically. We're going to try to use our gadgets faithfully to stay in good touch. Mom is--always has been--a stalwart supporter of us kids, and I love her for that. We're already planning her first trip out!
Anticipation of our move is sitting right at the top of my chest...it's a palpable mixture of fear, excitement, sadness and exhilaration.
I've started 4 lists--this is what I do--I don't know another way to plan, keep track of a thousand details, keep it all together. Mark thinks its cute, but I know it's a survival skill.
It's going to be hard to say goodbye to mom this morning when we drive back to CT. Even though Boulder is a 51/2 hour plane trip from Bangor and West Hartford is a 61/2 hour drive from Bangor, it feels like we'll be so much farther away. Which we will be, geographically. We're going to try to use our gadgets faithfully to stay in good touch. Mom is--always has been--a stalwart supporter of us kids, and I love her for that. We're already planning her first trip out!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
The beginning
Mark took the job in Boulder so it's official; we're moving to Colorado, he in mid-September, me in December. I'm going to attempt to chronicle our adventure in this blog.
In the past year I started a new elementary program (k-3) in my school, lost my father, contracted meningitis, saw my sister through illness and surgery, my mom through her grief and several fractured vertebrae, and my brother through a life-threatening infection. Mark's position at his company went from tolerable to untenable. We all fell apart in our own ways after Dad died.
And now, after wrestling with the corporate giant for long enough, my husband and I have decided to say yes to this adventure. It means that I have to leave my school. It means that we have to leave family and friends here on the east coast. It means jumping full-on into the unknown...I believe we're up for it. I'll let you know.
In the past year I started a new elementary program (k-3) in my school, lost my father, contracted meningitis, saw my sister through illness and surgery, my mom through her grief and several fractured vertebrae, and my brother through a life-threatening infection. Mark's position at his company went from tolerable to untenable. We all fell apart in our own ways after Dad died.
And now, after wrestling with the corporate giant for long enough, my husband and I have decided to say yes to this adventure. It means that I have to leave my school. It means that we have to leave family and friends here on the east coast. It means jumping full-on into the unknown...I believe we're up for it. I'll let you know.
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