TGIFF

I had a slight meltdown last night.  The prospect of letting go of an all-consuming work life, even for a while, kind of scares me and I was feeling it last night.  I think that for the past couple of decades my work has been a sort of shield for me, deflecting some deep-seated personal stuff that now is at risk of being exposed.  I feel like I'm ready to live more authentically, more true to myself, and I know that involves dropping my shield--my defenses--and being with myself.  It's hard to leave Odyssey for all sorts of reasons, but this is the most personal reason. 

So in the middle of my meltdown Mark and I had to negotiate how to be together and give each other what we need during this time.  We had the "it has to be about me right now...no, it has to be about me" discussion standing in the kitchen after supper.  He felt that since he's been ticking off his to-do list that he was meeting my emotional needs, bless his heart.  I think we came to a good understanding last night.  When we said "yes" to this adventure we told each other that this was going to be hard.  So last night in the kitchen, as I was crying in his arms we looked at each other and said, so this is what we meant by "this was going to be hard."  Leaving the east coast, my mom, my sister, our kids, our grandkids, our friends, our jobs, everything that's familiar...it's hard.  Ah, so this is what "hard" feels like. 

On the up side, it's gonna be 80 degrees, sunny and 34% humidity in Boulder today.