Tgiff

It's a rainy Friday afternoon and to commemorate our last night together for a while Enzo and I are staying in, having a gin & tonic, soup and watching Best In Show, one of our favorites.  I'm the best one here, judge...pick me.  Who's gonna catch a big fish?  Ahhh, we can quote just about the whole movie.  And what of it...plenty of men walking around called Dick.

I think that sharing movie dialogue with someone forms a special bond...like a secret language that makes you smile inside.  Don't look at the fat-ass losers and freaks, look at ME!

Boat is boat, fuck is fuck. Different things.  I move table and chair to edge of sea, I make your dream come true.

I know there are lots of watchable movies...but I prefer sometimes to watch the same movie over and over again.  The way I read Jitterbug Perfume every couple of years just to remind myself to stay playful and fierce.  There's comfort there.

Ach, I miss Mark.

Today at school for Professional Development we did an article study...the topic was from
 the New York Times magazine: Is Failure the Key To Success?  The premise, based on research was that performance-based character traits such as grit, determination, perseverance, optimism, gratitude, zest, etc are as- or more important indicators  of long-term future success than things like IQ, economic background, or family make-up.  And the question we asked ourselves was, can these traits be taught and nurtured in our students?  And I think that we all believe that to some extent we already do teach, model and reinforce these traits in our students, but that we could be more deliberate and explicit about the fact that we do teach these things and that we believe they are key to our students' success.  Then there's the issue of getting parent buy-in...not every parent is willing to step back and let their child experience those tough challenges that can ultimately be the vehicle for growth and maturity.  So can we help parents understand that it's ok, and even desirable for their kids to be uncomfortable, to face really difficult situations and figure things out on their own...that this builds determination, grit and ultimately gives kids the tools they'll need to face life's much more gritty challenges down the road...?  I say yes, that's a big part of what we do as educators.

Gosh, just when I'm at my most articulate (in my own mind) about my beliefs about public
education...I take my leave.  I only hope that I've encouraged other educators to reflect on the enormity of the work they do, and the potential impact they have on the world.

And now, my Enzo is leaving me.  I smiled today, thinking of the happiness and company he's going to give to mom over the next few months...that negates any sadness I feel at letting him go.  Though I will miss his fuzzy little self.

And now, Best In Show...arguably Christopher Guest's best film.  We still watch it on video tape :). I think that's cunning!

Wednesday night

A voicemail message let me know that they're doing the first showing tomorrow.  3:45 pm.  I think I may get up & wash the kitchen floor.

Tuesday

6:30am, been up for an hour and a half just...getting ready for the day.  I swear I don't dilly-dally, but I always feel pressed for time in the morning.  Got up, took the dog out, made coffee, got my lunch ready for school, checked my work email, read the first 3 pages of the Courant, got discouraged by world news, took the dog out again, removed the plastic bag that the newspaper came in from halfway down his throat, put a load of laundry in, took a shower, made scrambled eggs with guacamole, and now here I am writing my blog.  I'm ready for a nap!

Gonna try to squeeze in a hot yoga class between my after-school meeting and Enzo's vet appointment at 6.  I may have to miss the relaxation part at the end of class...my favorite part.  Corpse pose.  When else in life do you get to lie perfectly still and quiet in a warm room with 30 strangers?

Monday September 24

And we start another week, another chance, another beginning.  I feel that school is like that...every day is a new beginning, another chance to get it right (or more right), another chance to make a breakthrough with a tough kid, another opportunity to deepen a relationship.  It's going to take some discipline to not lock myself in my office with all the paperwork I have to do but stay visible and present in classrooms, the playground and hallways.  I traditionally have done paperwork at home after school or on weekends, but I've been pretty well occupied during those hours this year...

So the house looks great, and I feel ready to have some potential buyers come through.  I've only given fleeting thought to what happens if we find a buyer right away who needs to move in right away?  Guess I'd have to move.  That would be fun.

I took a Bikram yoga class yesterday afternoon...room heated to 106 degrees and some very strenuous postures...and some gorgeous, fit people.  I remembered taking Bikram years ago and feeling my body get stronger over the weeks.  It may end up being quite convenient to stop in Hartford on my way home from work, so I may try to go a couple more times this week.  It's way more healthy than eating wheat thins from the box and watching So You Think You Can Dance with the dog.  (not dance with the dog...watch with the dog...ach, it's hard to write at the ass crack o' dawn)

I miss my honey.  Likewise, I'm sure.

We got our AAA membership in the mail the other day.  We joined so we could have roadside assistance during our drive from CT to CO in December.  They included a map of the US...Colorado is really smack in the middle of the country, surrounded by (let's see if I can do this) Utah, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Wyoming and New Mexico.  I wonder if I'll miss the ocean a lot?  Just thinking about being so landlocked makes me antsy sometimes.  But I've heard that the mountains are Coloradans' oceans...if that makes sense.  Maybe you get to the mountains when you need to get to the edge.  Because as you know, sometimes I just have to get to the edge, stand there and breathe.

Staging

So 3 strangers are in my house, touching my stuff, moving my stuff around, talking about my stuff.  I just worked my butt off for the past week, boxing extra stuff up, cleaning out closets, reducing clutter, making it look like "a model home."  I felt like Dori in Finding Nemo...just keep cleaning...just keep cleaning...But no matter how much you think you're done, real estage agents have a different eye for what will "show well."  So I know it's their jobs to make the place look good in pictures.  But damn, don't touch my stuff.  The picture of my dad on the piano...the note from a first grader on my fridge (You are the gratest prinibull evr...so grat and prfct"...books on the coffeetable.  ach. 

Enzo was a prfct little puppy through it all, even though I could tell it bothered him too. 

And now we have a lock box on the front door and plans for an open house next Sunday.  With any luck I'll be on my way home from Orono, having seen my mom and left one little puppy with her for the time being.  ahhhh, i know I'm gonna miss his fuzzy little face and his affection.  But I think that mom and he will have a good time together, enjoying the fall Maine weather, spending lots of time all day rather than being in a crate all day (Enzo, not mom).

I'm meeting Laurie for Bikram yoga later today in Hartford, maybe go to Firebox for a bite afterwards.  Looked up yoga studios in Boulder...there are a number of them (as expected).  I can finally nurture a consistent yoga practice...I'm really looking forward to that.

This is a weird sort of limbo time for me...packing up my life here but still very engaged in life here...feeling my heart out in Colorado with Mark, but missing him every day here...wishing I was already there, but not ready to not be here...I want to be present through all these feelings...it's very, very easy for me to put my head down and just try to push through the feelings, to push them down, mask them with work or wine...but this is an opportunity, a chance to be present, authentic and whole.  Let me not squander what life is offering me right now.

This is from a hike that Mark did in the Flatirons yesterday...looking east toward the great plains...and me.

September 21

Today is the last day of summer and it promises to be a beauty.  I've always loved autumn with its cool blue sky days and crisp clear nights...there's a nostalgia for the carefree early days of college too.

So I'm seriously considering Moms offer to take care of Enzo through the move.  He's definitely getting easier to care for...more independent, less attention-seeking, even if he is mischievous and rambuntious at times.  He might offer some sweet companionship to Mom at what could be a hard time for her, coming up on a year after Dad died.  And I have to admit that it would be a lot easier to do all that I need to do here without having to work around him.  The thing is, I've grown to love the fuzzy little thing...I'd miss his antics and his companionship.  But when I think about having the house on the market, needing to keep it clean enough for potential buyers (a lot cleaner than it is right now...) needing to devote long hours to school...it kind of makes sense to do this.  I'll talk with Mark about it later today.  I could bring him up the weekend after next.

We're starting to get emails from the real estate agents in Boulder, but the houses they're showing us are expensive behemoths...modern, angular...not me.  I'm trying not to be anxious about the housing thing and to let Mark do most of the real estate legwork out there and just concentrate on the top real estate stuff here.  Maybe we will end up renting something in town for a while.  Id rather do that than live in a behemoth.

Lea Ann came over last night for sushi and packing...I let her attack my kitchen cupboards...she has this knack for making order out of chaos...turning all the labels so they face out, all the round containers together, boxes ordered from talk to short...it's a gift, really.  And I love her for just telling me she was coming over, not asking.  She knows that I'm likely to say no, I don't need help.  But clearly I do...a lot!

Is there a way to buy food so that you don't end up with a quarter full box of whole wheat pancake mix...half a container of black currants you bought to make rice pilaf 6 years ago...?  I want to be
more careful about the food I buy and subsequently waste.

I really miss Mark this morning.  A lot.  13 days till I go back out.

47%

Mitt is causing me stress and I just really don't need that right now.  At the root of my stress is the incredulity that someone of this level of ignorance and insensitivity could become a presidential candidate in this country.  the next 7 weeks can't pass quickly enough.  

Enzo's going to dog day care today...we'll see how that goes.  It's been a long time since I've left a small living thing who's dependent on me (again, part of the 47%) in a large room with other howling creatures, turned my back to it and walked away.  And Laura grew up just fine it seems.  So we'll try it today.  I just think he's too little to be in the crate for 9 hours at a time.  Mom has generously offered to be a "foster granny" to Enzo while we go through this move...I know he'd love to be with her, would love the attention.  I'll have to think on that one a little while.

Last night I cleaned out the medicine cabinet...aspirin from 2002, milk of magnesia from the ice age...I think that when you buy milk of magnesia you expect to never finish the bottle.  I mean, how many times do you ever use that stuff?  I'm not even really sure what it's for.  They should sell it in single-serving containers....like a Keurig coffee pod-thingy.

Howling wind and torrential rain last night...I really missed my warm bedmate.  Thought about letting the dog sleep with me but that ended pretty quickly after 2 minutes of squirrelly behavior near my pillow.  

September 18

Didn't get to yoga last night, still trying to work out logistics of taking care of Enzo by myself.  We may try dog day care this week.

Mark had a good first day on the new job...like the folks, likes the tenor of the place, feels like he's getting a handle on what all needs to be done.  And he was very excited about the free food and beer that was coming his way.

I committed to putting the house on the market by Monday (a week later than planned) so I need to get going on some serious staging every night this week and especially on Saturday.  I think I'm close, just need to tick off rooms one at a time.

We've had a spate of inappropriate touching among first graders so today we will tackle that issue in our morning meetings.  Respectful hands...an important life lesson for all of us.

September 17

I think i need to defrag my computer..and the m key sticks.  It's a 5 year old laptop...kind of a beast.  Anyway, I was trying to upload a picture of Mark and me during our hike in the Flatirons...not sure if it worked. 

First morning back here in CT with just Enzo and e.  Me.  He discovered the joys of toilet paper...goes into the bathroom and comes out with 15 feet of unrolled TP, a shit-eating grin on his fuzzy little face.  We miss Mark and his early-morning poop patrols.  We miss him for other reasons too...

After work, maybe after some hot yoga, I'll keep getting the house ready for the market.  There's a lot to do...I have to remember, one thing at a time...break it into small chunks and just go. 

Sweet Sorrow

I'm posting this blog from 37,064 feet, 557mph away from the man I love.  The wrenching sadness at leaving each other kind of took me by surprise.  I knew it would be hard, emotional, all of that. But it's almost like we looked at each other differently now that I was getting ready to leave him in his new home in Boulder...like we were seeing each other a little more clearly, stripped of all distraction and normalcy, thrust into the reality and the enormity of what is happening.  There is a great love here, a deep friendship and gratitude for each other and the life we're sharing.  I have so much admiration and respect for Mark and for the tremendous bravery he's mustering to do this thing.  He has changed over the past month, and the remarkable thing is that he's conscious and aware of where his mind and heart are...what he's feeling, how he's doing.  I'm so proud of him.  16 days and I'll be back.

Only thing is, he'll have had 16 more days to acclimate and grow more red blood cells.  He's gonna kick my ass on the trail.

Bolder

Yeah, we're feeling rather bold these days, rather ballsy for taking this path.  All afternoon yesterday we had to remind ourselves that we're not just visiting--we are going to live here.  It's   almost surreal.

Flight out was fine, even with the dregs of seating choices (Southwest, section C...we really didn't have a chance to sit together).  It's very bumpy over the mountains, so I'm gonna have to get used to the turbulence or I'll be grabbing some stranger's hand when it starts to get choppy.

Mark's new home away from home, the Homewood Suites is (are) quite nice, very comfortable for the short term.  And they'll feed him every night if he wants...loaded baked potato on Mondays, fajita on Tuesdays, steak every Thursday...where can I get this deal?  So today we'll nest up his place  a bit.

We spent the evening on Pearl St, the pedestrian walkway in downtown...very Burlington, very hip.  Lots of street performers.  My favorite was the 2 dudes hawking jokes for a quarter.  Jokes for a quarter...now that's funny!

Took an early dinner at Riffs; small plates, very good food, especially the white bean purée which I seem to be drawn to lately.  It's easy to make, cheap, healthy, classy and susceptible to any variation you could think of.  4:30 felt like dinner time to us.  The sun was blazing as it sank over the mountains which rise up right at the end of Pearl.  2 guys playing guitar set up nearby so we were treated to some really fine street music...Neil, CSNY...heard Southern Cross for the first of 2 times yesterday.  Some decent blues too.  Mark is thinking that if the new job doesn't work out he could always come to Pearl St and play for quarters.  I'm gonna encourage him to work really hard.

I had heard that Boulder was lacking in diversity and from what we could see last night it's quite true.  The only person of color we came across was a contortionist plying his trade on the sidewalk.  Otherwise, a homogeneous demographic, at least where we were.  It made me appreciate the diversity that we have in CT.  This might take some getting used to.

First impressions of this town:  clean, dry air, blazing sun, brilliant sky illuminating nearby mountains.  Bikers and walkers everywhere, overflowing  bike racks on every street corner, the scent of patchouli wafting through the air (along with an occasional whiff of some medical grade cannabis being consumed), several small independent bookstores (so cool!), not a few young, barefoot hippie kids begging for money (on one sign:  "anything will help, even a smile," which we were happy to provide), a bassoon quartet, lots of kids enjoying the kid areas--big climbing boulders that made me think of Odysseys new play area--see, I'm not crazy, kids love to climb on big rocks!  Ladies in nice dresses with bike helmets, many older folks strolling in the evening air, lots of art shops, and of course, no shortage of food choices.  I'm kind of hungry right now in fact.

So remember how I said that I wasn't really posting my blog in the wee hours?  Well, this time I am.  Wide freakin awake at 3:00am because my programmed self thinks its 5am and time to get up.  This is gonna have to stop!  

We're meeting with one of the realtors today, going to try to help her understand what we are looking for in our next home.  Definitely a fireplace, hopefully some mountains to look at and definitely lots of room for our friends and family to come stay!  

4:45...too early for coffee?  

today

omg it feels like we have a crazy amount to do before...what?  before Mark leaves CT for good in 6 hours? before we put the house on the market?  before we wrap our minds around what's actually happening? 

I really, really want to be excited about flying to Boulder today to see where we're going to live, to get a feel for it, to see the mountains, breathe the air...

but right now I'm a little bit freaking out.  i think we both are.  so we prioritized our tasks:  he's going through the mountain of old paperwork that found a home on the dining room table and I'm writing about it.  Whew i feel a little better already.

I know that as soon as we're on the plane and Enzo is all set for the weekend (thanks Jodi) and laundry is finished, house is cleaned, stuff is tidied, bike and guitar are stowed in cargo...i know we'll start to get really excited about what's happening. 

I told the Odyssey parents last night at our COOP meeting.  That was really hard. 

I think I'm not always adept at recognizing what i might mean to someone and what our relationship might  mean to the other person.  maybe I sometimes take relationships for granted.  I mean, I know that I value other people and appreciate our interactions and the things we do together, but on a deeper level I think i might not always get what's going on.  I'd like to work on this.  I bet my friends would appreciate it if i do. 

Now i'll go offer some material support to this morning's activities.  I bet my husband would appreciate it if i do. 

Mark's last day

Today is Mark's last day at Goodrich.  They're taking him (the folks who used to work for him) out to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch...I hope he gets the firecracker shrimp. 

When you leave a job you get the chance to reflect on what your presence has meant to the people and place where you spent most of your waking hours for the past howevermany (n) years.  What impact did you have?  What difference did you make?  Whose lives did you touch and in what ways?  When Mark first started working as an engineer in 1979, age 22, he thought that like his mentors before him that he'd work at Hamilton until he retired.  A big send-off party, a good nature roast of his personality (people would have really known him), the satisfaction of believing that he was important and valuable up to the last day.  Leaving HS for Goodrich, then leaving Goodrich for Boulder was not something he could have envisioned.  But isn't life like that?  Mark is a person of integrity...the most sincere and honest person I've ever known both personally and professionally.  I think he's incredibly brave to follow a path that aligns with his principles instead of taking the easier (but ultimately deflating for him) route of maintaining the status quo.  He does indeed have an impressive body of work (and may I add, an impressive body!) and I agree that he should be very proud.  I hope he can remember that as he navigates through his last day.

Had a martini with my bff Lea Ann last night at Cavey's...I need to record her laugh so I can replay it when I need a shot of levity during this whole thing. 

Tonight's the first parent meeting of the year at school and I am going to tell everyone that I'm leaving in December.  I want to somehow communicate that while it's sad that I'm going, Odyssey is way bigger than me (always has been) and that the school and all of the teachers, parents and kids are going to be in the care of a leadership team that truly cares about them and that has what it takes to nurture Odyssey and move it forward.  I want everyone to feel secure that in the middle of this huge change their kids will be safe and taken care of.

I think that the posts on my blog say that they're published in the wee morning hours...but that's really not true.  I have been known to be up at 3am to email my poor staff members, but not this time.  I just don't know how to change the time-stamp.  Jodi?!!!

Lightening the load

One of the good things about moving far away is that you get to thin your collection of wine before you go.  So in the spirit of lightening our load we enjoyed a bottle of Chateau Cabrieres from Chateauneuf-du-Pape with our goulash last night.  The day you open a 2006 Chateau Cabrieres is the occasion.  Spicy, warm, dark purple color...brought us back to the heat and cicada-songs of Provence. Ser interesant.

Mark (my novice winemaker) has two carboys of wine in the basement, one Burgundian-style chardonney and one Pinot Noir.  30 bottles each.  Now what does one do with wine that is not quite ready to be bottled when one moves across the country?  Put the 6-gallon jugs in the back of the Subaru?  In December?  Do we need to find wine-maker-friendly (as well as dog-friendly) motels along I-80 west so we can maintain an even temperature?  Hmm, not sure about this one. 

The Harley should be picked up tomorrow, delivered to Boulder on Tuesday.  Fingers crossed.  Mark stuffed his road bike into a box and padded it with his motorcycle jacket, helmet and other stuff.  We're hoping to check it as baggage on the Friday flight, but then we're not sure how we're getting it from Denver airport to Boulder...we need a rental car with a roof rack or a rental suv.  I never knew that you could check a bike as luggage. 

Dinner tonight with Jenny and the kids.  Mark might not see them again for quite a while. 

Let the staging begin

We met with our realtors this morning.  After wrapping our minds around all that needs to be done before we put the condo on the market (and the 4 days in which to do it) we began to feel optimistic that the housing market in West Hartford is experiencing enough of an uptick to let us sell the place in a reasonable amount of time.  So we began to stage (a real estate term for "make your home look generic enough to allow someone else to imagine their stuff there").  Made good progress, but that's the name of the game for the next 4 days while Mark is here.  We'll put it on the market officially on Monday the 17th. 

It's weird to put dolls in a box...their eyes never close all the way...

Enzo slept through the night!!  Good news for Jodi who's dog-sitting this weekend, thanks Jodes!

Sunday

So here's a picture of our puppy Enzo.  He slept 6 hours last night, bringing us a little closer to our goal of having him sleep through the night before Mark leaves for Colorado.  It's going to be close.  It's a damn good thing he's cute.

A realtor is coming over today to talk with us about putting the condo on the market.  So this morning, we clean.  I started putting away some of the little stuff that makes our home our home...little Budda statues, wine bottles from fondly remembered times, driftwood sculptures, old-glass vases, singing bowls and dozens and dozens of rocks:  round granite stones from Maine, galets roules from Chateauneuf-du-Pape, caymanite from Little Cayman, pebbles from Mendocino...so many rocks!  In my next life I'm destined to be a geologist.  Anyway, other folks might not be as charmed by our collections of stuff, so away it goes.  As I put the little felt beet that Laura gave me in a box yesterday I smiled to think of it emerging in its new home in Boulder.

Mark decided to not try to get back to Hartford for the half marathon, even though he's been training really well all summer.  Maybe a 10k out in CO this fall.  I started Insanity at home (it's a workout, not a state of mind--usually).  Gotta squeeze it in.

The reality of our departure is hitting some people we love really hard.  I think that it may be harder to be the ones being left than it is to be the ones leaving.  I only hope that we can stay in touch and offer a great place (and reason) to visit.  It's really something for me to realize that I am entitled to make decisions about my own life that will upset the status quo, but that it's ok for me to do that.  Neither of us is particularly adept at upsetting the apple cart due to decisions that we make in our best interest.  So we hope that we're being sensitive and compassionate to those we love while still pursuing our interests and dreams.  We feel quite sobered by the decision to move, but also very brave.  And we have so much love and gratitude for the support we're getting from people who know and love us.

A Large Box

A large box arrived for Mark today from his new company.  In it, org charts, process manuals and other stuff that engineering directors need to know.  Lots of numbers, which makes Mark very happy.  Seems he's beginning to work at his new job already.  He had his last Friday lunch at the Corner Pug yesterday...you know you're a good customer when the bartender and the owner get misty-eyed at the news that you're leaving!  They are good folks down at the pug and they've taken good care of Mark over the years.  You know, the place where everybody knows your name...

I went out with friends from school yesterday (our off-site meeting).  Sitting around the big table outside in the Hartford Road Cafe with 20 of the people I've worked so hard with over the past 4 years just made me feel so good.  These are really hard-working, dedicated, loving people who give their hearts and lives to the kids they teach and to each other.  Odyssey is a family, we've always said that.  They are being really supportive of me during this time, and that means so much.  And it's always good to laugh that hard on a Friday (looking at potential Match.com dates on someone's phone...yikes!)

So, today we're going to RI to see my sister and her husband for a few hours then back here to tidy up before the realtor comes tomorrow to talk with us about selling the condo. 

I figured out how to put a picture on the blog, yay!  After I tell the Odyssey parents on Thursday at the parent meeting that I'm leaving I'll link the blog to my facebook page.

TGIFF

I had a slight meltdown last night.  The prospect of letting go of an all-consuming work life, even for a while, kind of scares me and I was feeling it last night.  I think that for the past couple of decades my work has been a sort of shield for me, deflecting some deep-seated personal stuff that now is at risk of being exposed.  I feel like I'm ready to live more authentically, more true to myself, and I know that involves dropping my shield--my defenses--and being with myself.  It's hard to leave Odyssey for all sorts of reasons, but this is the most personal reason. 

So in the middle of my meltdown Mark and I had to negotiate how to be together and give each other what we need during this time.  We had the "it has to be about me right now...no, it has to be about me" discussion standing in the kitchen after supper.  He felt that since he's been ticking off his to-do list that he was meeting my emotional needs, bless his heart.  I think we came to a good understanding last night.  When we said "yes" to this adventure we told each other that this was going to be hard.  So last night in the kitchen, as I was crying in his arms we looked at each other and said, so this is what we meant by "this was going to be hard."  Leaving the east coast, my mom, my sister, our kids, our grandkids, our friends, our jobs, everything that's familiar...it's hard.  Ah, so this is what "hard" feels like. 

On the up side, it's gonna be 80 degrees, sunny and 34% humidity in Boulder today.

Thursday September 6

Yesterday I requested time off for this move...once later this month to fly out with Mark (and leave him there) and once in October, a longer visit to try to find a place to live.  And to get into the mountains for a hike and see what this place is all about.  It's not easy to take time off during the school year, but then again, it's not easy to leave halfway through the school year either.  In an ideal world, our move would be happening in June, after this year is over.  But I feel better knowing that we're putting a solid transition plan into place for the leadership in the school, and that I'll leave all the work I've done in very good hands.

Mark is investigating out how to ship our motorcycle out to Boulder.  He learned that there's a vast infrastructure devoted to moving stuff back and forth across the country via truck...it's a broker-type system with a central booking set-up that arranges for a driver who's going to be in our area and is going to Colorado, to come pick up the bike. Hmmm.  So how do you know that the driver won't just...drive off with the bike, never to be heard from again?  And they want a credit card number on file?  Hmmmm.  More investigation is needed it seems.  But the Harley is in the shop for its 10,000 mile tune-up, getting ready for some autumn rides through the mountains and canyons.  That's exciting.

So what Mark's decided he needs to have to live without me for 4 months is his Harley, his road bike, running gear, his Stratocaster and some clothes.  Sounds like the making of a man-cave to me.  A man cave in the Homewood suites.  Well, that takes the edge off the man cave image.  A man should have his gear, period.

We're going to try to make contact with a realtor today and see about putting the condo on the market.

Still raining

September 5th, 90% humidity and 100% chance of rain today.  New England humidity is something I definitely will not miss.  The first day of school went so well, mostly because our teachers are heroes...hard-working, confident, compassionate heroes.  It's all about getting the right people on the bus, and wow, do we ever have the right people this year.  Kids are incredibly cute and excited for the new school year.  Some are starting to show their true colors (short honeymoon period, right?) but with the experience we have from our first year, I know we'll be able to handle anything that comes our way.

So did I mention that a month ago we adopted a new puppy?  Hmmm, timing is everything.  It could be that had we known on August 6th that we'd be moving to Boulder in 5 months we might not have undertaken the monumental job of raising a new puppy.  But damn, Enzo is cute and he has moments of being brilliant.  It's the getting up in the middle of the night to play, pee, whatever that's starting to get old.  I think we need to get some training (for Mark and me, that is).  Anyway, we have him, he's ours and we're trying to figure out how to manage him along with everything else.  If I can figure out how to put a picture on this blog I'll show you what he looks like.  We named him after the canine narrator in the book The Art of Racing in the Rain.  I highly recommend it.

September 17th feels like it's bearing down on us now...I'm more anxious about being alone here, not only because I'll miss having Mark here with me but also because of all that needs to be done to get ready to move, along with the demands of the first trimester of a new school year.  I want more than anything to stay fully engaged at school...I think I'll be able to do that because of how busy each day is and how unpredictable my time at school is.  I really can't do anything but be engaged while I'm there.

We made good progress on our lists yesterday(!) but I filled mine right back up for today.  Gonna get boxes from UHaul I think.  Packing something--anything--will help me feel more in control.  I think that's a genetic thing with us Barneses...when a move is imminent, we spring into action.  So I'm about to spring.

First day of the end of a chapter

Today is the first day of school at Odyssey Community School, the charter school I helped found 17 years ago.  So it's also the beginning of the end of an incredible chapter in my life.  I'll be at Odyssey until the Christmas break, helping with the leadership transition.  Until then, I'll be doing everything an elementary school principal does...lots of daily interaction with beautiful kids, lots of coaching and guiding teachers, lots of reassuring parents that they're doing a good job (and coaching and guiding them when they're not), lots of paperwork for the state...and now, lots of reflecting on what my time at Odyssey has meant to me and to the school.  More about this later.

Mark is going off today with a list of things that should be done before he leaves in mid-September:  schedule a dryer vent cleaning; schedule a dermatology appointment; figure out how to ship his bicycle and his motorcycle to Boulder, etc, etc.  I figure if you put everything you need to do in a neat, bulleted list, it's more manageable, more do-able.  You can tick things off one by one and feel like you're getting somewhere.  Anyway, that's what I do...I make lists. And, like most husbands, I know he truly appreciates it when his wife hands him a list.

My list is shorter, but it is the first day of school after all.  And it's raining.  I think it has rained on the first day of school just about every year I've been here.  Maybe that's good luck.  Anyway, I'll be hugging 180 soggy kids today!

Labor Day

Morning breaks misty and cool in Orono.  Feels like summer is really winding down now.  Mark and I are starting to tell our family and friends about our news, and just trying to honor and be with everyone's reactions.  We both find it hard (especially he) to disappoint anyone, to make anyone feel bad because of choices we're making.  But to live a true life, to honor your own passions and desires you sometimes will ruffle feathers of those who wish that things would stay the same.

Anticipation of our move is sitting right at the top of my chest...it's a palpable mixture of fear, excitement, sadness and exhilaration.

I've started 4 lists--this is what I do--I don't know another way to plan, keep track of a thousand details, keep it all together.  Mark thinks its cute, but I know it's a survival skill.

It's going to be hard to say goodbye to mom this morning when we drive back to CT.  Even though Boulder is a 51/2 hour plane trip from Bangor and West Hartford is a 61/2 hour drive from Bangor, it feels like we'll be so much farther away.  Which we will be, geographically.  We're going to try to use our gadgets faithfully to stay in good touch.  Mom is--always has been--a stalwart supporter of us kids, and I love her for that.  We're already planning her first trip out!

The beginning

Mark took the job in Boulder so it's official; we're moving to Colorado, he in mid-September, me in December.  I'm going to attempt to chronicle our adventure in this blog.

In the past year I started a new elementary program (k-3) in my school, lost my father, contracted meningitis, saw my sister through illness and surgery, my mom through her grief and several fractured vertebrae, and my brother through a life-threatening infection.  Mark's position at his company went from tolerable to untenable.  We all fell apart in our own ways after Dad died.

And now, after wrestling with the corporate giant for long enough, my husband and I have decided to say yes to this adventure.  It means that I have to leave my school.  It means that we have to leave family and friends here on the east coast.  It means jumping full-on into the unknown...I believe we're up for it.  I'll let you know.