I was wondering whether writing a semi-autobiographical novel would be cathartic. I think I knew that it would be, but the reason I didn't write yesterday was that I was triggered right back to a fairly dark place in my life, just through writing the words. My novel is about a young woman who emerges from a 5-year stint in a religious cult to find that she doesn't know who she is, what she wants from life or what she can offer the world. It's a dark, deep void of unknowing from which she spends the rest of the novel clawing her way back.
Kind of like someone you know, right?
Well, it put me in a tailspin for a bit. My protagonist, Sarah, is just beginning to realize what happened to her, and she's pretty depressed at the moment. I actually thought about stopping the book because it's so painful to look back and write about what I lived through.
Then I had a thought that maybe, by writing Sarah's eventual and successful healing process, I could vicariously enjoy that as well. Sarah's not going to be 53 when the book ends, but she will be in a much better place than she is now. And I get to say how that goes. That's the very cool thing about writing a story; I get to play God and make stuff happen to my characters just the way I want it to happen.
So I'm off to work, another very early day (leaving the house at 5:40) so I can get breakfast on early for the guests of the inn. It's a corporate group and they have early meetings, so I've been going in early these past few days. Hearing them talk and laugh at their in-house meetings makes me so jealous for being part of a team that's working toward common goals. I miss my professional life, albeit my "from-a-distance," rosy professional life, not the one I used to bitch about constantly. I guess what I mean is that I long for a healthy, productive professional life where I can share day to day life challenges and successes with like-minded people. To that end, I finally have an interview this Thursday with a place that potentially can give me that. More on this later.
this is a normal part of the process both in writing and in life (and spoiler alert: both are good). I have cried while writing passages before. not even in an autobiographical story (though, i'd argue most stories have elements of the author no matter what the source). sometimes i cry because i have to put characters that i've loved and created through something that is difficult. sometimes i cry because i put them through something beautiful. this is all part of the process. you will be a better writer and better human having channelled this energy. i promise.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words of encouragement, Jodes. You're a wise woman :)
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